Together Forever
by Katycat1970
Summary: The Newsroom. Will & Mac & their feelings for each other - starts after episode 5... All characters and most of the story belong to HBO and the very clever Mr Sorkin... I'm just playing around - making it like I would have liked to have seen it - totally soppy! Hope you enjoy it...
1. Chapter 1

"You Did This?"...

The look on her face was utterly adorable as Will stared across to the woman who had so recently come back into his life…. She looked so calm and so, so beautiful as she uttered the words Will hadn't heard for years….

"Happy Valentine's Day"…

He couldn't help himself – a smile came across his face as he walked the short distance between them and pulled her into his arms and held her tightly – he didn't care where he was and he didn't care who was watching as he held this most amazing woman in his arms – the woman that a lot of the time drove him crazy but the woman he knew he still loved so very much. There – he'd said it, maybe only to himself, but he'd finally admitted what he'd known for months – even years... He still loved her. He'd never stopped if he was completely honest – he'd just locked all those feelings away and hidden it from himself and the world for three years. Yes – she'd hurt him and yes she'd disappeared from his life without even so much as a goodbye but now - in that moment - as they stood in the middle of the Newsroom with his entire staff watching them he knew he loved her and he knew he always would – she completed him.

After a few moments he felt Mac start to pull away… she straightened up and smiled up at him with watery eyes but she still kept her arm firmly wrapped around his waist... Noticing the single tear that rolled down her face, Will gently slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him as tightly as he dared – all the time trying to make it look like it was just friendship. They silently watched the last few people play out the Rudy scene – they didn't say a word – they just stood with arms wrapped around each other both completely lost in their own thoughts.

Will was still slightly in disbelief at the scene before him and the feeling of the Mac in his arms…. Had she really arranged all this – just for him? She knew it was one of his favourite movies – god - how many times had they watched it together, cuddled up on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon when they were dating? And yes - Mac was right - Will had always somehow managed to find a tear in his eye at the end. She had teased him dreadfully about it over the years but he also knew she loved that soft side of him. It was so different to the side everyone else got to see…. She was the only person who had ever witnessed the tender, soppy Will (as she had called him at the time) because in truth - she was the only person he had ever allowed to get that close. Will felt a lump in his throat just thinking back to those days – a feeling he had felt so many times over the past few years but in an instant he pushed those thoughts way back to the corners of his mind - back where they belonged... He couldn't allow himself to think like that – not anymore – not if he had any chance of keeping his heart roughly in one piece.

Even now though, as the last couple of his team made their way into his office, Will couldn't figure out how that hug had started? It had all happened so quickly and he certainly hadn't planned it. But boy, it felt good – so natural to him. His usual gruff exterior had cracked without him even realising as he listened to the round of applause and watched his staff one by one stroll into his office.

"Happy Valentine's Day" she had said simply and with those three little words she had completely melted him and undone all the hard work he'd done over the past three years repairing his shattered heart... Did she even realise what she'd done? how it had made him feel? Yes, Will thought, she probably did realise how it made him feel…. She could generally read him like a book…. God, It made him feel good again – better than good – great infact and it made him feel part of the team rather than the boss. It had all changed recently here in the Newsroom – the relationship with his team – they actually seemed to like him – to care about him and that was all down to Mac – slowly but surely she'd managed to change their minds – god knows how – but she had. Mind you, she'd changed him too over the past few weeks – just as she had before – without him even realising. What a mysterious hold she had over him... but he liked it - he liked it one hell of a lot.

As all these thoughts raced through his mind at a hundred miles an hour Will realised they were still standing there with arms firmly wrapped around each other... Why hadn't Mac moved away? He thought she would have done by now – she didn't usually show signs of affections like this at work – especially in a room full of people - but here she was with her arm around him and her head leaning lightly on his shoulder. Will took a deep breath and sighed – he couldn't figure her out... surely she felt the same as he did? If she did she hadn't been showing it at all…. But feelings like this can't be so one sided could they? Will had never been an expert on matters of the heart but surely she hadn't moved on as she'd kept telling him she had – she couldn't have done – she wouldn't be standing there with him for so long if she had...

Mac seemed to be in a trance - as much of a trance as Will felt he was in as he glanced down at her and noticed how she was chewing her lip as if her life depended on it... He knew if he didn't pull away completely from her now his resolve would crash and he'd kiss her there and then – in-front of everyone…. And, as much as he was sure she felt the same he was absolutely certain kissing her would be a massive mistake.

Slowly and reluctantly Will took another deep breath and pulled his arm from her shoulder and turned to Mac...

"Thank you for all this" he whispered as he smiled at his friend all the while longing to simply pull her back in his arms...

Mac smiled back uncertainly and hurriedly pushed a strand of hair behind her ear... She nodded a couple of times before she smiled again and walked quickly back to her office and shut the door with not even so much as a glance over her shoulder.

Suddenly Will felt empty – that emptiness he always felt when she walked away from him – the emptiness he'd felt for over three years now. He should be used to it of course – but you never get used to that kind of hollow feeling inside your chest. Will walked the few short steps back to his office smiling to colleagues and muttering words of thanks and disappeared inside the dimly lit office. He made his way over to his desk and quickly lit a cigarette... slumping back down in his chair he closed his eyes and wondered whether to run as fast as he could back to the safety of his apartment or whether to wait and see if he could get a few moments alone with Mac before she left.

"Oh fuck it" he said to himself suddenly remembering all the old hurt feelings – he knew he couldn't put himself through that heartache again – he simply wouldn't survive it a second time... He grabbed his coat and hurried out of his office towards the elevator... It's just friendship he reasoned with himself– she's just trying to be nice – that's the way she is. The elevator appeared and he jumped in and pressed the door shut before he had a moment to change his mind "Sort your head out McAvoy" he said to himself under his breath as he made his way down to the cold streets below.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment Mac reached the safety of her office she let out a breath that she had been holding for what seemed like minutes… For one moment there she was certain Will was going to kiss her – just like she'd imagined so many times in her dreams. Not that she was complaining about the hug – that had been totally perfect but even now in the darkness of her office she was regretting not holding onto him longer – why didn't she just hold on until he let go?

"Oh God" she whispered to herself making her way shakily over to her desk… How could a simple hug make her feel so shaky inside & so out of control?

Mac sat down and rested her head in her hands and took the deepest breath she could…. "Oh God…. why didn't you say something you idiot? you just walked away from him without a word… and now you're talking to yourself Mackenzie….. very smart"…

Sitting in the silence of her office Mac went over and over that hug in her head…. It had felt so perfect to be standing there in his arms again… it was a feeling she'd missed so much over the past three years and a feeling she'd longed to have again – a feeling she thought she'd never be able to have again – a feeling she didn't deserve to have again. There had been so many nights she'd laid awake in Afghanistan scared out of her life and just longing to be in his arms – the one place she'd always felt so safe and so secure. It was where she belonged.

"Happy Valentine's Day"….. She hadn't even realised she'd said the words until they were out – she certainly hadn't planned to say them… Mac had watched him with a heavy heart that morning as he tore the paper heart in half that someone had decorated his door with… Mac was the one person who knew how he'd become so bitter about February the 14th – she was the reason – she was sure of it… she was the only person he'd ever given his heart to and she'd so cruelly broken it.

Sighing loudly she leant back in her huge office chair and closed her eyes…. "Happy Valentine's Day" she mumbled to herself…. She hadn't even said or heard those three little words for what – three or four years? Not since the last Valentines Day they were together… A smile crept across her face as she closed her eyes tightly and remembered that day… It was four years ago now but Mac could remember every single detail like it was just yesterday….

_Mac stretched & opened her eyes sleepily to see her boyfriend leaning over her with a massive smile on his face…. _

_"Good Morning my Valentine" he whispered and dropped a long, tender kiss on her lips….. "Valentine's Day on a Sunday and you in my bed – could this day be any more perfect?" he said as he pulled her tightly into him and kissed her again on the tip of her nose…._

_"mmmm – Happy Valentine's Day" was all Mac could manage to say as she snuggled sleepily into the warmth of his arms….. Mac closed her eyes again and let her mind drift away…. He was right – Valentines Day on a Sunday - it really couldn't be much better. Sunday was always their special day – their day they spent together without any disturbances from work or friends or families… just the two of them together… Most weeks they didn't even really do much - maybe a lunch out and a stroll in the park but generally lazy days at Will's apartment reading the papers or watching a movie._

_"Hey – I got you something"… Suddenly Will sat up and leaned over to the cabinet draw beside his bed…. Laughing at the bemused look on Mac's face he pulled out a red velvet box and handed it over to her…. Mac shook her head and sat up suddenly wide awake…_

_"Billy – we agreed – no gifts this year"…_

_Will smiled – he loved it when she called him that – no one else could get away with it but she somehow managed to…. Will gently pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek – she really did look so beautiful first thing in the morning with her sleepy eyes and tousled hair…_

_"I know - but I saw it and I couldn't resist!... anyway – it's not a Valentine's gift - it's just a 'I love you' gift"… Will added noticing the single tear appear in the corner of her eyes as he spoke…_

_"You're crafty Billy boy" she said shaking her head slightly and smiling widely….. Mac giggled & pulled at the ribbon opening the box excitedly just like a child on Christmas morning… As she pulled up the lid she saw the most beautiful heart shaped silver locket laying in the box…. For a moment she had absolutely no idea what to say - it was so beautiful and so delicate…_

_"Oh Will" she sighed….. "It's beautiful"…._

_Will smiled looking very pleased with himself – he loved to surprise her so much…. Mac looked up at Will and felt the tears spring to her eyes again as he gently opened the locket showing her the pictures inside…. There before her lay two of the happiest pictures of them together - one of them on their very first date together and one from their last Sunday together the week before –it now made sense to Mac why Will had wanted to go into that silly photo booth in the Park. They looked so happy together – a happiness that took Mac's breath away… Will slowly closed the locket and turned it over to show Mac the back of it…. On the back he had had it engraved with the simple words "Together Forever"_

_"Together Forever" Mac repeated quietly…. "I hope so" she said after a few seconds of staring into his dark eyes…._

_"Of course" Will replied sounding so sure…. "Who else would I choose to boss me about for the rest of my life?" he said with a mischievous glint in his eye…_

_"Hey – I'm not bossy" Mac shot back at him in an instant…. "Well, maybe a little bit… but only at work!" she added before he had the chance… _

_Will laughed out loud and leant forward and placed a long, tender kiss on her lips…. As he pulled away the laughter was gone and he suddenly looked so serious…. "I mean it" he whispered softly in her ear…. "You and me forever… I'm never letting you go"… _

_Mac sighed and quickly wiped the tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand and then pulled him into her for a long hug…she felt so happy in that one moment that she really couldn't believe how lucky she was…. All of her friends were dating and having constant troubles with their boyfriends and here she was - the luckiest girl in the world - with the most perfect guy who seemed to be utterly in love with her…._

"Mac? Mac?... Are you ok?"….. Mac was suddenly bought out of her dreams by a voice at the door… she looked over to see Jim looking at her…. "You ok boss?" he repeated looking slightly worried… "You seemed miles away there"?

Mac nodded and smiled confidently at Jim…. "Sure – I'm fine" she lied….

"You coming for a drink with the rest of us sad singles?" he asked jokingly...

Mac shook her head slowly fiddling with the pen on her desk…. "I don't think so…. It's been a long day"…..

Jim looked at her long and hard knowing there was something wrong but he had learned a lot over the months they were stuck in that war zone together… Mac never opened up her heart about personal things to him…. "Ok boss – if you're sure" Jim said hesitantly as he made his way to the door… "Don't stay too late"…..

Mac sighed and leant back in her chair again…. That Valentine's Day had been the beginning of the end in reality…. She had stupidly ruined everything a few months after that day… Why? That was a question she'd asked herself thousands of times but she still had no idea how or why it had happened. A simple stubborn argument with Will that had gone on for days, an email out of the blue from her ex and the whole senseless affair had begun…. She had only realised right at the end of those awful four months just how much she was utterly in love with Will and by that time it was way too late. She could never have lived with the guilt if she hadn't have told Will and once she told him there was never going to be a way back for them. Will had exploded with anger the night she'd told him and rightly so – she deserved nothing less – she'd ruined the life they had planned together – she'd ruined everything and more than that she'd broken his heart. She knew all along how hard he found it to open up to people – he'd had a torrid childhood with his Father and he simply couldn't trust people – until it came to her. He'd trusted her with the most precious thing in the world and she'd smashed it to pieces – and for what? Four years later and Mac still couldn't answer that…. She could never forget the look of heartbreak on his face while she was away – even with all the horrific things going on around her she still had the image of Will's face, with tears rolling down his cheeks etched on her mind as she lay awake hour after hour at night.

Mac reached over and grabbed her bag…. Digging around inside she unzipped the pocket at the back and pulled out the necklace she'd worn every day while she was away – she had been certain it would keep her safe and it had…. She opened the locket and gazed at the happy faces smiling inside - they seemed so very much in love….. If she had a dollar for every time she'd stared at these pictures over the past few years she'd be a millionaire by now…. There wasn't a single day she hadn't been without that locket since the day he gave it to her – if only he knew how much it still meant to her – how much he still meant to her…. Closing the locket she turned it over and ran her finger over the engraving on the back…."Together Forever" she mouthed and mentally scolded herself for the millionth time for screwing things up so badly.

"This is ridiculous" Mac once again whispered under her breath to herself….. he's there – just sitting next door is all she could think…. They'd had such a lovely moment – she couldn't just leave it like that – she had to talk to him. Mac had always been quick to make decisions and before she realised what was happening she was up and striding as quickly as she could to the office next door – still with the locket in her hand…. Without even knocking she barged into his office….

"Will… I…."

She stopped suddenly noticing there was absolutely no one there – the office was in complete darkness….. Looking around she realised that the whole newsroom in darkness…. Surely he hadn't left without even saying goodnight ? oh - surely not? He hadn't done that since her first night with ANC nearly a year ago – he always came into her with a smile to say good night – even if they'd had disagreements he always had said goodnight…. Mac felt a lump in her throat as she made her way across his office to check if his jacket was still there…. No - it was gone and so had he… She knew it in her heart of hearts he'd regretted the hug…. She couldn't really blame him….


	3. Chapter 3

Mac stood in the darkness of Will's office not knowing what the hell to do next – her head told her to go home, have a glass of wine and forget about the whole thing but her heart was telling her something completely different - her heart was telling her to fight for him if she really wanted him – fight until he made it absolutely clear he wasn't interested even if that did take the risk of making her look like a complete idiot.

Mac once again stared at the locket in her hand and strolled towards the window... He was scared – that's why he'd left without so much as a goodbye – she knew that but it still really hurt her for some reason... She thought they'd gotten past this hurt and awkwardness by now but they obviously hadn't... He has a right to be scared she thought to herself – hell, she was scared so god only knew how scared he was – he was the one who had already given his heart to her only for her to break it so callously.

Maybe it would all just be better if she listened to her head for once and ignored her foolish heart – they'd been getting along great for nearly a year now – she couldn't ruin that – just because of a simple hug on Valentine's Day and some silly memories from four years ago – he'd probably not meant all that "Together Forever" talk anyway she reasoned with herself but immediately knowing she was just fooling herself – she could still remember the look in his eyes when he'd given her the necklace and she honestly couldn't remember a time when he'd looked more in love with her than he had at that moment four years ago...

"Oh damn you Will McAvoy - why is this all so bloody confusing?" Mac blurted out loudly to the empty office with tears of frustration creeping from her eyes...

"Because matters of the heart usually are" a soft voice answered from behind...

Mac spun around and saw Charlie Skinner smiling across at her affectionately... Instantly she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand – the last thing she needed was Charlie seeing her in this state...

"Jesus Christ Charlie – you scared the life out of me" Mac almost shouted across the office at her boss... "How long have you been there?" she asked striding towards the office door...

"Will's gone?" Charlie asked gently grabbing Mac's arm to stop her leaving the office... "Are you ok?" he asked seeing her watery eyes... "I'm fine" she lied... Sadly, she'd become an expert at lying over the past three years when it came to her feelings for Will...

"I was hoping to catch him before he left" Charlie explained showing his kindness by changing the subject... Mac nodded and bit down hard on her lip once again thinking of him leaving without saying goodbye – why this was upsetting her so much Mac had no idea...

"He must have another hot date or something" Mac quipped and pulled her arm free from Charlie's but at the same time dropping the locket she'd had clenched in her hand the whole time... Both Mac & Charlie bent down at the same time but somehow Charlie got the locket before Mac... After a long look at the locket and an even longer look at Mac, Charlie smiled...

"This is beautiful" he said taking a close look at the engraving on the back... "This is a gift from Will?" he asked a few moments later with a cheeky glint in his eye...

Mac nodded slowly feeling her cheeks flush & once again remembering all the details from four years ago... After nodding for what seemed an age she realised just how that must have looked to Charlie... "Oh no – not today... no, no, no... this is from Valentine's Day years ago – definitely not today" she rambled. Feeling herself flush even more she grabbed the locket and opened it up for Charlie to see the photos.. "See? Old pictures" Mac spluttered out... "There's nothing going on now between me and Will – this is from years ago, way, way back"...

Mac looked up hoping that had explained everything to Charlie but seriously doubting he'd understood a single word of her ramblings...

"Relax" he answered gently, "I don't care one little bit if there's something going on – it would be nice to see you two kids happy again – like the two people in these photos..." Charlie laughed...

Mac smiled briefly at the thought but then shook her head...

"No chance Charlie – he's not interested anymore - not one little bit" Mac stated boldy, impressed at how convincing she sounded..."Nor me either... we're just colleagues now – you know... hopefully friends..." Mac lied hoping that Charlie would just leave it at that...

Charlie looked at her closely for a moment or two before letting a small frown cross his face... "It's funny because he says that too... we're just good friends, work colleagues, trusted partner... blah blah blah... and you know what? I don't believe him one little bit either... for two damn good reporters neither of you are very good at telling that story" Charlie almost shouted before carrying on... "Let me tell you the same thing I told him – on the off chance you're not going to live forever - maybe you should both give yourself a chance at being happy now Mac"...

"Sometimes that's easier said than done Charlie" Mac whispered looking down at her feet...

"It's only hard if you let it be kiddo... You love him right?... he loves you – I'm certain of it... you're single – he's single... I don't see what's so difficult about this?"...

For a brief second Mac almost believed what Charlie was saying was true... it didn't have to be this hard surely... But then the thought of Will running out tonight came flooding back along with the hurt they'd both felt over their time apart...

"I fucked it all up Charlie - I hurt him - really hurt him... I broke his heart and it can't be fixed and he still hates me for it... how's that ever going to work?"

"Come on... He doesn't hate you. Look at the way he's been since you came back – we've almost got the old Will back again... and that hug tonight shows that"

Charlie smiled and for a moment Mac could almost feel Will's arms wrapped tightly around her again...

"You saw that?" Mac questioned almost blushing at the thought...

"Who didn't see it? " Charlie answered simply leading her out of Will's office and along to hers...

Mac sighed out loud finally glad to be able to talk to someone else apart from Sloan... As nice as she was she really wasn't any good at handing out advice…

"You know... I sometimes wonder whether we did the right thing - me and you... you offering me this job and me coming back here" Mac whispered as she picked up her coat from the stand... "Maybe everything would have been better if I'd just stayed away... I knew I'd hurt him before but seeing it for myself now... I don't know... it hurts too much... maybe it's best if I just resigned and ran away somewhere – he'd be able to get on with his life like he deserves..."

"I'd find you if you ran away Mackenzie believe me... I'm not letting the best EP in television run away just because she's scared…. Anyway, you ran away before and that didn't work did it"?

"Hey – I didn't run away" Mac snapped quickly... "I took a good job that was offered to me... it just happened to be over the other side of the world"...

"In a crazy warzone" Charlie stated simply….

"Well… yes…."

"And would you have taken that job if you and Will were still together at that point?"

"That's got nothing to do with it Charlie" Mac half- heartedly replied all of a sudden realising she was losing this debate with her boss... "Look – this is stupid... I don't even know why we're having this conversation... I hurt him - he doesn't want me anymore – he's made that clear with all the dates he's had lately…. It's fine with me – he can do what he wants"….

"I'm not sure I believe that" Charlie replied after a moment or two...

"Really - It's nothing... Just that hug and it being Valentine's Day with all these stupid hearts around the place – it's got me all worked up over nothing... it's nothing Charlie - nothing... end of conversation"...

"If you say so" Charlie replied simply shaking his head but knowing she wouldn't give in now...

"I say so" and with that Mac picked up her bag and slipped quickly into her coat feeling more confident than she had since this conversation begun...

"Goodnight Charlie" Mac chirped as cheerily as she could as she walked past him but once again Charlie grabbed her arm...

"You can fool yourself all you want Mackenzie MacHale - you can even fool Will but you don't fool me... I'm an old enough man to have seen this before... I know you and I know him – you're meant to be together – you just have to both get past all this silly nonsense that's in the way"...

There was a brief pause while Charlie took a breath and led Mac out of the Newsroom... "He's a stubborn man Mac – you know that better than anyone but he does love you – I can see it... he's hurt yes – but I also think he's too damn scared to do anything about it in case he gets hurt again – that's the reason for those trashy dates – those women are safe to him don't you see?... maybe someone else has to make the first move... you know what I'm saying ?"

Charlie smiled and pressed the button for the elevator... "Hey - you keep warm out there – it's too cold for Eskimos even on those streets"...

"I will" Mac answered simply and half smiled at her friend... "Thanks Charlie..." she leaned in and kissed him gently on his cheek...

"Don't give up on him Mac – it'll be worth it in the end…. I promise you that…."

Mac nodded and watched as he strode away... If she was honest she was even more confused now than before she spoke to him... He'd said that Will loved her but she had absolutely no idea whether he knew that for sure or whether he was just guessing... Mac stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the lobby... That's the thing with Will – during their relationship she'd never had to guess anything... he wasn't one of those boyfriends who hid his feelings or was too embarrassed to say what he felt – he'd told her he'd loved her almost immediately when they'd started dating... Mac leant her head back on the wall and let he mind drift off to those first few weeks they were dating – she'd never forgotten that moment he'd first said he loved her…

_They were laughing loudly as they ran down the street towards Will's apartment... the rain was getting heavier and heavier and they were both completely soaked... Will stopped and leant against a tree as he watched Mac run along like a child – jumping in the air to avoid the puddles and giggling like crazy if she happened to land in one... They'd only been together for a month or so but Will already knew he loved her – he'd never felt like this with anyone before and he couldn't bear the thought of her not being around... At times he wondered whether things were moving too fast for her – she was younger than him – maybe she just wanted some fun but Will couldn't help himself – he loved her and was already terrified of losing her…._

_Suddenly Mac must have noticed Will had stopped as she turned around and took a look at him - he looked so handsome standing there with a big smile on his face shaking his head at her..._

_"Come on" she yelled.. "I'm getting soaking here McAvoy!"..._

_"It's a bit late to worry about that" Will laughed as she ran back up to him and threw herself in his arms... She leant in for a long kiss before pulling away and looking into his eyes..._

_"You ok?" Mac asked as she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him again…._

_"I'm good" Will answered quietly loving the feel of her so close in his arms….. "Just relieved that's over"!_

_They'd been to visit Mac's parents and Will had been so nervous all morning... _

_"I told you not to worry didn't I?" Mac giggled... "I think my Dad actually likes you" she whispered as she pushed his very wet hair from his eyes..._

_"You think?" Will said pulling her even tighter into his body and dropping a quick kiss on the tip of her nose... "I only got two lectures and one warning from him this time... and you say he likes me?" _

_"Oh definitely" Mac replied proudly... "Come on - he poured you a drink and chatted for a whole hour after lunch – that's a definite like believe me"..._

_Will smiled and rested his head on her forehead….. "I think I actually have permission to date you now" he said looking pleased with himself…. "I've met some scary men in my life Mac but he's terrifying you know"….._

_Mac giggled and pulled away from his embrace and then grabbed Will's hands as tightly as she could…. "Don't be daft – his bark is much worse than his bite! Anyway, how could he not like you eh? You're perfect…" Unable to resist the temptation of kissing him once again Mac leaned up on tip toes and kissed him hard on the mouth allowing a small moan to escape her lips as she kissed him… _

_At that moment, with rain pouring down, Will felt like his heart would explode if he didn't tell her how he felt – he'd wanted to for days now but he was aware of only being with her a month or so... He couldn't help it though before he knew it the words were spilling from his lips…. "I love you" he said simply gazing longingly into Mac's eyes…. "I do – I love you so much Mac"…. _

_With all the boyfriends Mac had had over the years not once had she heard those words and felt such elation inside… he loved her…. He had said it and by the look on his face she knew there and then that he meant it – love and longing poured from his eyes and it took her breath away... For what seemed like ages Mac had no idea what to say so she returned his gaze and for a moment she was unaware of everything around her – the city, the rain, the traffic…. she only had eyes for the man standing in front of her staring so lovingly into her eyes and waiting desperately for her to say something back to him… _

_"I love you too Billy" she finally whispered into his ear…. he felt like a firework had gone of inside his chest as she said those words to him for the very first time…_

_He leaned in for a long kiss as a huge clap of thunder crashed over- head interrupting them and causing them both to jump..._

_"Come on – Let's get home – we're gonna catch the flu out here if we're not careful!" Will whispered as he finally pulled away from their kiss._

_That had been the real beginning of their love affair – the moment they both knew they were serious about each other. They'd spent the rest of that rainy weekend cuddled up in Will's apartment just talking and making love - he'd told her everything from his childhood through to his college days…. things he'd never told anyone before – things he would never tell anyone else in the future but for some unknown reason he knew he could trust her… they'd spoken about work, about their future together, planned their dream home together – even discussed children…. They both knew they were moving fast but everything seemed so perfect….. maybe too perfect Mac had sometimes thought to herself…._

Mac heard the 'ting' as the elevator reached the lobby….. almost trancelike she stepped out of the elevator and onto the cold streets of New York – she looked around for a cab but tonight was a busy night with all the lovebirds out there. Maybe a walk would do her good she thought – give her time to think and hopefully clear her very confused mind.

As she walked towards her apartment she went over every word of that conversation with Charlie…. Yes – Will had run away tonight but surely they'd moved on a bit today – made some sort of small advance in their relationship... He was so obviously touched at what she'd done for him that afternoon and she knew in those few moments as they were hugging that there was unresolved feelings between them. Maybe they had to just take it slow – one day at a time – one moment at a time. Furthermore, Charlie was right – she had to lose all the guilt that was holding her back & Will had to lost all the hate too – he had to forgive her or else no relationship would work for them. It wasn't going to be an easy fix but she was certain they could do it if they truly wanted to. The future wasn't just that night – the future was the next forty or fifty years – it was well worth waiting a little while longer for.

Hope you're all enjoying it... I'm off on holiday for 2 weeks so will post more when I'm back...

x


	4. Chapter 4

**Have finally managed to get the next chapter of this written... hope you enjoy it...**

**Katy**

* * *

In recent weeks both Will & Mac were happier and more relaxed that they'd been since Mac had returned to Will's life. Since their hug on Valentine's Day life seemed to have settled down nicely – they were very quickly becoming great friends again and both seemed to be happy with that for the time being. Mac felt the digs & jibes about her cheating were stopping from Will and she was sure he was even starting to forgive her. Around the newsroom Will had been motivated, relaxed – happy even and it had been noticed by everyone – the 44th floor were happy, the Newsnight team were happy, the viewers were staying tuned in and all in all it made for a very contented Mac.

Socially, things were good too - Will & Mac had spent many nights recently joining the others in their team for after work drinks and the two of them were clearly growing closer by the day. There had been one or two occasions now where a slightly tipsy Will had draped his arm around Mac's shoulders or waist as they'd left the bar in the evening and also a couple of times where they'd spent the evening on the soft sofa's in the bar away from the others – sitting very close together and chatting the night away. This hadn't gone un-noticed by all the staffers in the office and little did Will or Mac know that the team were already convinced they were back together again.

Just a week earlier, they were having a drink after the show when Mac whispered to Will that she'd been at ACN for a year the following day. Will had insisted on treating them both to dinner that night to celebrate and that's when the idea of a party had come up. Although Will was happy to celebrate with just the two of them Mac had wanted the whole team to join in and suggested a party for which she had started planning straight away - right in the middle of desert - much to Will's amusement. Will had tried for the rest of the evening to convince her a party wasn't really needed but Mac's excitement had reached new heights and Will knew if she wanted a party – there was going to be one!

After a particularly hectic day the following day Mac had somehow managed to persuade Will to have the anniversary party at his apartment. For an hour or two he had put up a tough fight but he knew (& she knew) Mac was always going to win this battle - she usually did! "I'm right and you know I am" she had shouted joyfully through his ear piece as he finally said yes to her – just five seconds before he went on air.

And so the party planning for the first anniversary party of Newsnight 2.0 begun – Will wondered for most of the following seven days if any real work was being done by his team – everyone's energies seemed to be pouring into the party event of the year! He didn't mind though – they'd definitely earned it and it was great to see the whole team happy... what's more – he was thrilled to see Mac so happy.

Sunday, May the 1st and the day of the party had finally arrived.

Will was awake at six am cursing the excitement that he had seemed to have caught from Mac's very long midnight phone call the night before – or maybe it was the fact that she was due to spend the day at his apartment to 'get things ready' – he wasn't quite sure which!. Mac arrived at Will's on the dot of eleven with enough bags to make it look like she was stopping for a month. Before Will had even made a coffee she was bossing him around telling him what to move where - he had tried on more than one occasion to remind her whose apartment this actually was – all the time knowing there was no point in his remonstrating - she was on a mission and Will knew there was no rest for anyone until her missions - whether it be at work or at home - were completed.

"Tell me again why we're having this party here? At my home?" Will asked as Mac busied herself in his kitchen….

"Don't start again Billy" Mac chuckled as she arranged the glasses on a tray…. "It'll all be ok – don't worry"….

"Don't worry that I have hundreds of people taking over my apartment tonight?"…..

"It's not hundreds of people… stop exaggerating"….

"And... we have to have it here because?..."

"Because it'll be nice and you have the biggest apartment and we couldn't find anywhere else at this late notice!" Mac said smiling at him nodding his head in mock agreement…. "Don't moan - you agreed last week when…."

Will cut her off before she could even get the rest of her sentence out…. "Agreed? If you call me finally saying 'yes' because you asked me a thousand times in one afternoon followed by a hundred times thirty seconds before I was due to go on the air…. Then yes I suppose I agreed"

"Oh what's with you exaggerating so much today? It was hardly a thousand times…" Mac giggled before giving him that special smile she saved just for him….. "OK - maybe a hundred….. but nowhere near a thousand!"….

"We all know you're no good at math Mac!" Will answered smartly throwing her a similar smile….

"You said 'yes' McAvoy – you're looking forward to it really….. "

"Of course I am" Will replied sarcastically….

"It'll be fine"….

"It'll be fine that they could break everything here? That they could be sick on my carpet? That they….."

"BILLY – STOP!…. and Relax…." Mac interrupted and smiled again…. "It'll be fine…."

"So you keep saying" Will replied nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders & not really minding too much about the party. It was fun to tease her though and it was definitely fun having her here for the day – it seemed like old times when they were here together and those times were easily Will's happiest memoires in his entire life.

Soon enough lunch time arrived and both were starving – Mac was still in full party planning mode though and was ignoring her rumbling stomach even when Will suggested a lunch out – apparently they still had far too much to do. Finally, Will got his way by laying down on his sofa and telling her he wouldn't be fit for any work or any partying until he ate. Knowing she was going to lose this particular debate Mac gave in and pretty soon they had made their way to their favourite Deli near Will's apartment – the same one that they always used to go to on their 'special Sunday's' in the past. Everything seemed to be rolling along like clockwork – they ordered their lunch and then automatically strolled to the same bench in the park where they had eaten their sandwiches many, many times in the past. After sitting in the Spring sunshine eating and chatting about everything but work for an hour Will stood up and offered his hand to Mac to help her up – as much as they'd both like to stay there longer they knew they had to get everything ready for the night ahead.

They strolled back through the park that afternoon happier than either of them had been in years – both were lost in their own thoughts for a while and as they reached the corner of the park Mac had automatically linked her arm through Will's. As she felt the comfort that bought wash all over her she realised what she had done - as quickly as she'd put it there she tried to pull it away but Will grabbed her arm and linked it back through his smiling at her self-consciously as he laid his hand on top of her arm – keeping it firmly in place.

It was such a small gesture but it lit Mac's heart alight inside her chest. Although she was hiding it well, Mac already knew just how much she still loved him – she'd known that since the famous hug but as for Will – he was still in denial - but even he knew he couldn't deny it much longer. Mac had been invading his thoughts and dreams constantly lately and he knew he would have to do something soon – he couldn't go on like this. After Valentine's Day he'd tried so hard to convince himself that they were professional colleagues – just friends – partners - but he knew deep down his feelings were so much more now – they'd been growing day by day and he was finding not even he could bury his head in the sand for much longer. He'd even surprised himself in a recent session with Dr Habib by admitting that as more time passed with them being friends the less he was thinking about Mac's betrayal and punishing her – he'd even confided to Habib that he'd been seriously thinking about his future – a future that most definitely included Mackenzie – that session led to a whole night of lost sleep.

A couple of hours later and Will's apartment was completely ready…. With the party only an hour or so away Mac was adding the finishing touches to the decorations singing away to the music that played from Will's CD player…. After hearing a chuckle she looked up from her chores and noticed Will gazing at her with a bemused look on his face….

"What?" she asked trying to ignore his shaking head and grinning face….

"You shouldn't sing Mac!"

"There's nothing wrong with my singing" she giggled sticking her tongue out at him in that childish way that he had always adored... He'd teased her many times during their relationship about her very out of tune singing but the more he teased the louder, and more out of tune, she had usually sung...

"hmmm – there's not a lot right with it either! I've told you before you need to save your singing for the privacy of the shower – no one else has to hear it that way!"

Mac smiled and threw the screwed up ball of paper she had in her hand at him...

"You could do something useful you know – like pour me a glass of wine instead of just standing there taking the mickey"….

"Yes Boss – right away Boss!" Will replied throwing her a cheeky wink….

"Ah see – you do know who the boss is around here…. attaboy!" she joked as she watched him hunt out a nice bottle of wine.

Will finally found the bottle he was looking for and poured two glasses of wine and strolled over towards Mac... She was fiddling around moving the sofa for the fiftieth time that day - just an inch here or an inch there... He'd always found her being such a perfectionist so endearing and as he watched her potter around he felt that dull ache of regret well up inside him again. It was a feeling he was getting more and more these days and when he was alone laying in bed at night, unable to sleep, it got him down - the constant regrets and the constant missing her couldn't go on much longer.

"It's perfect" Will said gently laying a hand on her lower back and making her jump slightly... "Here" he said and handed one of the glasses over to Mac

"I think we're about done" Mac said looking around once more at their handiwork... "Not bad – even if I say so myself"... she took one of the glasses and smiled at Will... "Cheers" she said raising her glass to his and noticing the almost sombre look that came across his face...

"You ok?" she asked doing her best to hide her sudden worries...

Will nodded and raised his glass to hers..."Cheers... Happy 1st Anniversary" he said quietly as he clinked her glass…

In the clink of a glass the atmosphere seemed to change in an instant. Mac smiled and took a sip of her wine before it suddenly hit her as to why…. As she swallowed she was suddenly taken back to this very apartment three years ago where she'd heard that exact phrase leave Will's lips – they had been dating for a year and Will had surprised Mac with a full Italian dinner cooked by himself. After desert Will had produced an envelope which had tickets for a romantic week in Venice for just the two of them. It was somewhere Mac had always dreamed of going but had never found someone 'special enough' to go with. Mac remembered how it had all seemed so unreal as she stared at the tickets and then up at Will hardly believing her luck…. "Happy 1st Anniversary" he had whispered that night before claiming her lips with his own….

"Hey"….

Mac looked up to see Will looking at her – she knew straight away he was thinking the same thing as her and she knew straight away this certainly wasn't the time to be reminiscing…. Mac tried to push all thoughts of Venice from her mind and forced a smile onto her face pleading with Will to do the same – he understood immediately. Will nodded and made his way over to put some different music on… As she watched him the Venice vacation came flooding back to Mac… All she could think about was that evening three years ago.

Did he remember that Italian night like she did? Was he trying to remind her by using the exact same phrase or was it just co-incidence? Mac sighed & watched as Will pressed the buttons on the stereo seemingly oblivious to her sudden confusion. She hated this kind of confusion – she always had hating second guessing people and situations – she liked things to be straight and simple – when confusion came along it usually ended up causing havoc for Mac and she knew she had to nip this in the bud before the evening started.

"Right – I am going to shower & get changed if that's ok? I can't run the party of the year looking like this" she joked as she made her way across the room towards the guest room where she'd thrown her bags earlier….

"Mac - wait…" she stopped and turned to face Will who had made his way across to the sofa and was looking at her almost childlike…. He patted the seat beside him as he sat down nervously and signalled for Mac to join him. Mac wanted to hide somewhere and come out when everyone else turned up but of course she found herself making her way over to Will – after everything she had put him through she could never deny him anything – even if it mean her suffering in some way. As she walked the few steps across the room the uncertainty about their relationship flooded back & her heart began to beat so loudly she was convinced Will must have been able to hear it. Over the past eight weeks Mac had been pleased with the way things were going with her and Will – there had been no arguments, no awkwardness, no moments like this and suddenly it was all back with a vengeance.

Why did beautiful memories of the past always seemed to be accompanied by such utter confusion of the present?


	5. Chapter 5

Mac plonked herself down on the sofa - a safe distance away from Will and was becoming increasingly worried as to why he looked so serious. Will shuffled himself a little closer to Mac and took a deep breath…. "Mac…. Look… I want to say something…. But…. I don't know how I…".

Will sighed – what was it that made talking to this woman so damn difficult at times – he was never at a loss for words with other people so why did he stutter and stumble across his words with her? He looked across at Mac and was encouraged by the smile on her face - even if it were a somewhat tentative smile….

"Mac – I'm just gonna blurt this out otherwise…" another pause…..

"You know I'm not very good at his sort of thing - talking about my feelings - or maybe admitting I was wrong…. But... I just wanted to say thank you to you before everyone else got here tonight"….

Mac had no idea what he was thanking her for and she was feeling slightly giddy at the fact he'd taken her hands in his…. She smiled before shaking her head slightly thinking it was better to try and joke her way out of this…. "Thanks for what? – it's you that's given up your apartment to thousands of people to be trashed tonight" she giggled pleased to see Will smiling at her attempted joke….

His thumb started to rub the back of her hand gently - a gesture that Mac had always adored…. Will looked down at the floor for a moment before the look of seriousness returned to his face…. "Seriously Mac… I wanted to thank you for putting up with all the shit… for coming back,… for Newsnight 2.0… for kicking me up the arse and making me see what I needed to do" He looked at Mac for a reaction of some sort but she didn't say a word and there was a slight pause before he carried on determined to finish what he started…. "When you came back I was a real prick…. All the crap I gave you – the contract bullshit –and… well I think what I'm trying to say is…. I'm sorry…."

Will was holding his breath – waiting for a reply, silently staring at their hands joined together - he shook his head slowly – almost ashamedly…. "I was out of line Mac.… You didn't deserve any of that shit…." He was speaking so quietly at the end that Mac was straining to hear him….

Mac felt like she could hardly breathe – there seemed to be a knot in her throat that threatened to suffocate her. She blinked back the tears that she'd felt jump into her eyes and couldn't believe what she was hearing – she definitely wasn't expecting that as she'd strolled across the room a minute earlier…. Will clasped her hands a little tighter and waited for Mac to say something but she sat there just chewing her bottom lip nervously….

"Mac?" Will whispered softly…. "Look at me"….

Mac couldn't bear to look as he'd requested – she knew that she'd fall apart after what he'd just said…. What's more - she still couldn't think what to say – if she said what she wanted to say about the way he'd treated her – the fact that she knew she was being punished – the fact that he'd hurt her so much she knew it could cause an argument so all she managed was a simple "It's ok" but never managing to look him in the eye…

"It's not OK Mac…. I want you to know I mean it… that I'm sorry"…. Will dropped her hands and quickly made his way over to his desk in the corner… He flicked trough a pile of papers on the top and pulled out a large brown envelope…. He walked back over to Mac and handed it to her…

"What's this?" she asked taking the envelope and for the first time since he'd started his speech Mac caught his eye for just a second….

"Read it" he replied simply and watched as Mac opened up the envelope…. Will found himself smiling as her eyes started to scan the document – her brow furrowed and she was all the time shaking her head slightly – he had always loved how she looked so confused when she was concentrating hard. For a minute or two she carried on flicking through the papers and then finally looked up at Will with a look of bewilderment on her face…

"I don't get it" she said sounding confused…. "It looks like…."

"New Contracts" Will finished for her - making it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world to comprehend…

"I don't understand" Mac mumbled picking up the papers again and starting to read them over but Will took the papers and then took her hands again…

"They're new contracts - one for you and one for me….. Mac – I should have done this months ago..." Will looked slightly embarrassed but carried on regardless… "Hey - It's what you wanted at the beginning – a three year contract and you'll be pleased to hear I can't fire you anymore – only Charlie or Leona can do that!"

Will smiled and watched as it slowly sunk into Mac's brain what he'd done…. She shook her head slightly and try as she might she couldn't stop tears from forming in her eyes….

"The bad news is that I'm afraid you're stuck with me for another three years though" Will whispered as he gently wiped away a solitary tear that had rolled down her cheek….

"How did you manage this?" Mac whispered but Will just simply shook his head…. "Another paycut?" she continued amazed at how he'd managed to do this…..

"It doesn't matter how and it doesn't matter what…. it just needed to be done…" Will replied as he gently pushed a strand of hair behind her right ear…. "I need for things to be straight between us Mac…."

Mac knew he wasn't just talking work wise here…. He needed things at work to be straight before he could move onto things in his personal life – she was aware of that…. "Oh Billy" was all that Mac could find to say and even that got stuck in her throat…. She was struggling to believe he'd actually do something like this for her after everything she'd put him through in the past. In her opinion – she'd deserved much of what Will had thrown at her over the past year – yes it had hurt her immensely – but nothing compared to the hurt she'd caused him four years ago.

Now fully understanding his actions Mac pulled her hands from his and without even thinking of the consequences threw her arms around his neck pulling him into a tight hug. The hug went on for much longer than either supposed it should have done but in a way it was helping to heal the hurt they'd shared recently – they both sat there wrapped in each other's arms not wanting the moment to end. Mac nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck and recalled just how right it felt to be there – they fitted together so well. Meanwhile Will held on so tightly that he was starting to worry about hurting her….. He took a deep breath and placed the softest of kisses on her hair….

After a minute or so Mac pulled away slightly and took a deep breath… "Will… I"….

He didn't let her finish though… he gently put his finger on her lips to shush her and looked deeply into her eyes…. Mac smiled but inwardly what she saw there frightened her slightly…. She hadn't seen that look of lust and longing for a very long time and it took all the strength she had to pull away completely knowing this definitely wasn't the right time. Will seemed to understand just from her look…. He waited for a moment and then grabbed a pen from the coffee table and laid the two contracts out next to each other… He handed the pen to Mac and winked… "All we have to do is sign away and we're all done!"….

Mac smiled happily noticing the effort of cheeriness in his voice and scribbled her name at the bottom of one of the sheets of paper before handing the pen to Will and watching him do the same. Will placed the pen back on the table and picked up their glasses. Handing one to Mac he raised his glass again… "To the best team in the news industry!"

Mac giggled back and repeated his toast before taking a large sip of wine…. "Thank you Billy…" she whispered sincerely and smiled as Will nodded in reply… He didn't need to say anything – she could tell from his nod that all was ok and the matter was dealt with. Will gathered up the contracts and put them neatly back in the envelope before reaching for the wine bottle to top up her glass….

"Steady – you don't want me drunk before the others even get here" Mac joked as she stood up….

"I don't know - We need some entertainment here tonight" Will joked trying to lighten the atmosphere…. "It would be fun to see you dancing, semi-naked, on the tables again – I've missed that!" he added throwing her a cheeky wink….

Mac gasped and couldn't keep the smile spreading across her face suddenly thinking back to the Convention they'd been to three years earlier… "That's out of order to bring that up – and I wasn't semi-naked" she added in her best stern voice….

"You would have been if I hadn't have saved your blushes Miss MacHale! I seemed to remember you…"

"Oi! Whatever happened to 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' McAvoy?" she cut him off slapping him lightly on the arm and loving how quickly the banter had returned between them….

"But we weren't in Vegas - we were in Washington – so it's a great story to tell at a party…. Oh wait – we're having a party tonight aren't we?" he asked thoroughly enjoying watching Mac squirm….

"That's enough Billy or I'll have to start remembering embarrassing stories too…. " Mac quipped as she picked up her glass of wine…. "I'm off to the shower and you need to get showered too – everyone will be arriving soon…"

Will chuckled and led her towards the guest room with his hand on the small of her back….. "You'll figure the shower I'm sure… I'll just go grab you some fresh towels… I'll be right back"….

As he turned to walk away Mac reached for his arm to stop him….. "Thank you again…" she said nodding her head towards the envelope still on the table…. "It really means a lot" she added before reaching up on tip toes and pressing the softest of kisses on his cheek…

* * *

Mac walked into the guest room and picked up her wash bag…. She sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. She felt an emotional wreck and the party hadn't even begun…. The day had been so happy - too happy in a way - which sounded so silly Mac admitted to herself. It was silly because the day had basically panned out how two lovers would spend the day – not two work colleagues.

They had been so close all day and then the last twenty minutes had just knocked her out of the park emotionally. She'd had absolutely no idea that he would get the contracts changed – she was thrilled of course but the whole speech had made her heart ache and make all the old regrets she had return. She was delighted to hear he was sorry but she still had absolutely no idea a) whether he'd forgiven her and b) whether he wanted to try again with her.

Then to add to all that there was the "Happy 1st Anniversary" comment earlier…. As she sat there, the more she thought about it the more she was convinced he was remembering their 1st anniversary – he had to have been. It was one of the most perfect nights they'd had together – followed by the most wonderful week in Venice – there was no way that was coincidence Mac thought as she closed her weary eyes thinking back to the most perfect vacation she'd ever had….

_"Ti amo" Will whispered as the river taxi made its way from the dock by St Mark's Square towards the mainland and the Airport… Mac smiled at his Italian – he was one of these people that when he was abroad he'd try to learn and use as much of the language as he could…. "When in Rome – do as the Romans do" he'd told her many times that week as he'd frequently embarrassed her attempting his Italian…. He had this particular phrase right though – he'd said it many times over the previous few days…._

_"I love you too Billy" Mac replied as she pressed her lips against his in a lingering kiss._

_As the city faded away from view, Mac tried one last time to make a mental picture of this moment…. They'd had the most wonderful week away – just the two of them… away from the pressures of work and away from New York…. They both loved the hustle and bustle of home so much but sometimes it was good to get away from it all._

_Morning's had been the most favourite part of Mac's week…. They had been spent lazily in their very plush hotel suite that Will had booked for them... Their room had a balcony overlooking the water and every morning Will ordered room service for breakfast. They'd sit together on the balcony reading the papers, drinking coffee and eating croissants watching the Gondoliers as they steered their boats along the famous water ways of Venice. _

_Afternoons were a little more productive… they had been spent strolling through the romantic streets, hand in hand. Will had shown her around all the museums and art galleries and had even finally managed to get her into one of the famous Gondolas. For some odd reason she had been terrified of going on them all week but on their second from last day Will had finally convinced her there were no jellyfish in the canals of Venice! He'd laughed so hard that morning in bed when he found out that was what had been stopping her – jellyfish! Apparently Mac had been terrified ever since she was a child and this was her reason for never going in the ocean! She'd sulked slightly as he'd laughed for so long but the sulking soon turned into a giant tickling session which soon turned into a very long, very intense love making session._

_Will had been the perfect gentleman all week, especially in the evenings, and Mac had felt like she was starring as a fairy-tale Princess with a dashing Prince at her side. Dinners had been in the finest restaurants Venice had to offer and Mac had felt so proud and full of love each evening as he'd escort her, arm in arm, to their table. He'd never let the waiter pull out her chair – always getting there first and then planting a soft kiss on her lips before taking his own seat next to her._

_Before they knew it a week had passed and it was time to go home... As Will kissed her tenderly the River taxi pulled away and Mac felt a lump in her throat which she was sure would produce tears any time soon. She felt so silly and had no idea why she was so emotional. As attentive as ever, Will noticed and pulled her tightly into his side after he reluctantly pulled his lips from hers..._

_"Hey... What's wrong?" he asked rubbing her back soothingly..._

_Mac smiled and let out a small embarrassed laugh... "Nothing" she mumbled and tried to quickly wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall..._

_Will knew what was wrong though - he knew her too well and deep down he was feeling the same... "shhh... It's ok" he soothed..." Well come back one day" he added planting a kiss on her temple..._

_"It's been so perfect Will" Mac replied pulling him in tighter to her side... "I don't want to go home"..._

_"I know" he repeated and let out a gentle sigh... "Me neither... but I'll bring you back again Mac - I promise"_

_"When?" she questioned looking up at him like an impatient child... She was always so adorable when she was short of patience - which was pretty much all the time..._

_Will chuckled and stared at the beautiful city disappearing from view... He tore his eyes away from the view and gazed into her soft brown eyes – his heart so full of love... "How about for our honeymoon?" he whispered hopefully and felt his heart leap a full 360 degrees as mac nodded in agreement._

_"Sounds perfect" Mac managed to reply before his lips came crushing down on hers again._

Mac jumped as she heard a soft knock in the door... Feeling slightly flushed at the memory of that kiss she pulled herself together and made her way over to find Will standing at the door with a pile of fresh towels and a happy grin on his face...

"Room Service!" he joked as he dumped the towels into her arms... "Try not to use all the hot water eh?" he added as he walked away with a cheeky smile on his face…. That was another little thing to remind her - there had been plenty of times she'd had too long a shower when they were getting ready to go out leaving Will with cold water to shower in! He'd managed to find a solution to that though while they were dating – joint showers – he assured her it was kinder to the environment – apparently it saved water….

Mac chuckled as she shut the door and picked up her wash bag and made her way into the adjoining guest bathroom... Tonight was going to be a tough night she thought to herself as she stepped into the shower.


	6. Chapter 6

Will lifted a bottle of beer to his lips and took a big gulp trying not to let it notice too much that his eyes were following her around the room. He was certain Mac had just glanced at him a minute earlier but he couldn't be sure. For the last hour he had gotten the distinct feeling she might be avoiding him somewhat - she had taken an absolute age to get ready and much to Will's disappointment she didn't emerge from the guest room until a handful of party goers had already arrived. Now the party was in full swing and he'd not even had a chance to talk to her…

"I take it you still haven't made a move then"…. Will spun around to find Charlie standing there, talking to him, but with his eyes firmly fixed on Mac….

"You know I have no idea what you're talking about right?" Will replied hoping this conversation wasn't leading to what he thought it was leading to...

"I'm talking about Mac..."

"Surprise, surprise..."

"Because only an idiot would let a girl like Mackenzie get away"….

Will rolled his eyes and took another gulp of beer…. "Guilty as charged your honour... I've never denied the fact I'm an idiot"…..

Charlie shook his head and decided the 'wind him up' approach was by far the best option this evening…. "I never realised you were such a chicken McAvoy"

"Again… guilty as charged…". Will wasn't falling for this tonight – he'd had far too good a day to be wound up although he knew most of what Charlie was saying was correct - that wasn't the point though….

"You know she could have her pick of any man around? Yet she ignores them all and waits for you?... why is that?"

"Because she has good taste my friend"… Will replied, smirking at Charlie but still not taking his eyes off Mac….

"So, apart from your wounded male pride of four years ago – what's stopping you walking over there right now and kissing her?" Charlie asked raising an eyebrow….

"About a hundred people in my home" Will answered in an instant….

"You big pussy…"

"Yup... But a big pussy that's already been made to look a fool by her in the past…. If I'm gonna be made to look a fool again I would prefer it to be in private"…..

Charlie ignored him and carried on regardless… "What's to stop…."

"Are you gonna just keep asking pointless questions all night?" Will interrupted starting to lose patience with his friend – he'd played this game long enough for tonight… "We could forget Mac and just have a couple of bourbons and talk about the news – how does that sound?"...

"I like the sound of the bourbon"….. Charlie glanced down at his phone before carrying on – maybe a softer approach was needed…. "Surely time has helped – she's been back a year… I thought you two were getting along great"….

Will sighed… "I take it you don't want to talk about the news then?"

Charlie took Will by the arm and pulled him to the drinks counter and poured them both a bourbon… "Ok... Answer me something… and I don't want you to think about it at all… I just want a straight, direct yes or no answer….. you understand?"

"Charlie – I don't want to do this now…"

"Tough…. You understand?" Charlie's voice was getting louder and attracted the attention of a couple of the team standing nearby…. Will suspected he didn't stand a chance of getting out of this… He nodded….

"Do you love her?"

Will wasn't expecting that but the question was simple and Will surprised both of them and answered it in a heartbeat…. "Yes"

"As much as you did four years ago?" Charlie added….

Will nodded feeling a little relieved to admit that to someone other than himself…. "Probably more"...

"Then what exactly are you waiting for?"

"Damn it - it's not that easy Charlie… I told you before – it's not like the movies – I can't just go over there, kiss her and then live happily ever after..." The second he finished speaking Will felt ashamed at himself for letting the old 'Trust' issues enter his mind once again – especially after the day they'd had together…

Charlie shook his head and took a sip of the drink he enjoyed so much…. "Being sad and resentful is such a giant waste of time McAvoy – it doesn't change anything"

"I know that..."

"Look - It's a simple choice Son. You either chose to forgive her and the both of you try again to be happy or you choose not to forgive her and forget the whole thing – you let her go and you get on with your life and she gets on with hers. Surely she deserves that?

"Of course she deserves that" Will muttered dejectedly - he knew Charlie was right and he'd known it for some time if he was honest...

"You're the only one making this difficult… She's right there – waiting for you... You could put this right tonight if you wanted to"….

Both men took another sip of their drinks and Will positioned himself so he could see Mac again – he didn't like her being out of his line of sight… Neither said anything for a few moments but Charlie soon started up again much to Will's exasperation – he wanted the subject changed now – it was all too uncomfortable for him…

"I'm going to tell you something now…. I know I probably shouldn't but - as Mac would say – it's for the greater good..."

Will looked at his friend surprised at the look of seriousness on his face…

"You remember Valentine's Day? And that hug you ran away from so quickly?"

"I didn't run" Will countered but even he knew that was weak... he closed his eyes at the memory of that night and nodded slowly….

"After you'd gone... I found her crying in your office – she tried to hide it but she was definitely crying… clutching a locket with pictures of you two in her hand… she told me that you were just friends., blah blah blah and that you would never forgive her... She said she loved you still... you hear that?"

Although Will suspected Mac still loved him, he couldn't hide the look of shock on his face and he felt a twinge of pain in his chest just thinking about it... Then a small smile played on his lips at the memory of the locket – he hadn't even dared to think she might still have it after all this time let alone have it on her at work…. Charlie noticed the far-away look in his friends' eye and took the chance to carry on…

"Does that sound like someone who doesn't regret a mistake four years ago? Because it is just that you know – a mistake…. You know she regrets it – for god's sake – everyone on the East Coast knows she regrets it... it's caused her as much misery and pain as it's caused you over the years – maybe even more"...

"I know…. But I just can't get the image of her and that fucking idiot out of my head" Will admitted pouring himself some more bourbon and taking a sip…. "When I'm thinking of her – especially at night – I close my eyes and I always see her with him…. I never see her with me back in the old days – always with that fucking prick... It makes me feel sick to my stomach…."

Charlie felt a stab of hurt and disappointment for his friend... "Because you let your mind see that... forget those pictures and make new memories – make new pictures to think of at nighttimes… or even better – have her with you at night time and you wouldn't need anything else to think about! You know what I mean?!"

Will laughed at Charlie's insinuation but he couldn't believe it to be that easy... "It's not just that easy to get over it Charlie"

"Rubbish… It can be simple – you choose not to make it simple…"

Will looked down to the floor and shook his head slightly... "I'm scared Charlie"

It was a huge admission for Will – he hadn't even really admitted the scared part to himself... "what if it doesn't work again this time? What will happen if I take a chance and she breaks my heart again? Or even worse - I break her s?" Will asked almost childlike...

"Come on… how you going to know unless you try... What if it _does_ work and you're celebrating your golden wedding anniversary in fifty years? Now that would be a party I'd like to come to!"

"I doubt either of us will be alive" Will joked but he nodded, knowing what Charlie was saying was right – he'd answered his own question many times during the endless sleepless nights he'd endured recently.

He visually followed Mac as she made her way around the room and began to talk to Jim. He watched her smile at something Jim was saying and then watched as she threw her head back with laughter – even such simple gestures filled his heart with joy. Just as she went to say something to Jim she caught his eye and stopped talking for a moment. A tiny little wave followed before she threw him the most adorable smile and then patiently waited for Will to return it…. Charlie was right – always waiting for him….

"Go say something to her…" Charlie urged – giving his friend a gentle nudge….

Will nodded again and looked across at Mac – she had been dragged on the dance area by Maggie & Tess and was laughing her head off as the girls danced together… He really did want to give this another go…. He looked up and noticed Charlie was waiting for him to either say something or do something….

"I will" Will muttered…. "Now's not the right time though"...

"If you wait too long for that perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by before you know what's hit you..." Charlie said with an arm on Will's shoulder….

Will nodded again – not knowing what to say for once…. Why did he have to be so right?!

"What's with you tonight Charlie? You suddenly turned into a wise old man?"

"Maybe it's just two people I care about very much need their heads hanging banging together." Charlie chuckled and took another look at his phone – just as it started to ring…. "Or maybe it's the bourbon that makes me so wise!... I have to take this" Charlie said and patted his friend on the shoulder…. "Don't let her go Will…. She's one in a thousand…."

"More like one in a million" Will replied wistfully as his friend walked away towards the privacy of his balcony.

Charlie was right about them Will knew that but Will knew he was also right - now was not the time to take action – he needed to do it when they were alone and not in a room full of partygoers – they had far too much to talk about to be doing it in public. He made up his mind there and then that he would bring up the subject tonight - maybe after everyone had gone - but first he needed some Dutch courage and Neal had promised his girlfriend would bring him just what he needed.

* * *

**A/N - Hope this isn't turning out too fluffy for you all - I just can't help it...! I'm sure it's not very realistic but hey... fluff is good to cheer you up eh?**

**Enjoy**

**x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's the next part - you might recognise the speech here! I loved the speech in this episode so much so I wanted to use Mr Sorkin's version... Also have to give credit to the song used below - this is Van Morrison's "Have I Told You Lately" - a beautiful song and I think Will would have sung this to Mac back in the day! Anyway - enjoy... x**

* * *

Before Will could even find Neal he noticed Mac making her way towards him – she really did look gorgeous tonight Will thought to himself…..

"You should probably say a few words" Mac instructed touching his arm lightly – even that small gesture was able to send shockwaves up his arm...

"Really?" Will replied – not looking at all impressed at the thought of a speech...

"Yeah."

"What do I say?" Will mumbled suddenly wishing he'd just stayed talking to Charlie…

"What do you want to say?" she answered simply…

"Please get out of my home"

Ah – here he was - the cranky Will again Mac thought to herself half wishing she'd never started this but she was never one to let him get away with something – she'd started this so she'd finish it! "Everyone – Will wants to say a few words" she shouted getting her colleagues attention...

Will gave her a look that she knew only too well so she simply looked away as he started... "I really don't... but... here you all are – in my apartment... socialising. Co-workers, friends, family - in my apartment.." He threw Mac a brief look remembering their conversation earlier in the day before he carries on... "Just like in my nightmares"...

There was laughter around the room but not from Mac - she simply shook her head slightly hardly believing what he was saying...

"This is a party to celebrate the one year & one week anniversary of what we used to call Newsnight 2.0 – remember that?" The cheers that went around the office answered that they remembered that first morning with Mac over a year ago... "I think we're up to about Newsnight 174.0 but I'm confident we're gonna get it right one of these days... So... have a good time at the party... and please.." he very quickly stole another look at Mac – this was being mostly done to tease her now... "Please know from the bottom of my heart... I'm not gonna think it's rude if you leave early..."

"Good?" He said looking at Mac with a mischievous glint in his eye...

"Goosebumps!" she replied dead pan….

"Resume being here!"

As the party restarted with a cheer Mac shook her head and gave Will her best disapproving look….

"What?"

"Great speech Anchor Man"…. Mac joked…

"I thought you'd like it" he answered wishing everyone else would just go so it was the two of them alone...

"You having fun yet?" she asked pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, throwing him another smile that hit him straight in the heart once again...

"Maybe..." he answered...

"That means yes doesn't it?" she teased and Will found himself smiling...

"shhh... don't tell anyone... but I'm quite enjoying myself !" he admitted...

Mac giggled and slapped him playfully on the arm... "ha ha - I told you so didn't I?"...

He loved so much to see her happy – her smile had a habit of bypassing his braing and heading straight to his heart... "You want a top up?" Will asked feeling like he was a teenager on a first date –he really did need Neal to appear with his girlfriend... that would relax him…..

"Afterwards" Mac said simply with a look in her eye that Will knew meant she was up to something…

"After?" he repeated warily…. "What's happening?"….

"I promised the gang you'd play for them" she said taking Will by the hand and leading him over to the sofa towards where Jim was waiting with a guitar….

"aww – come on Mac… Really?" he replied shaking his head but already knowing he wouldn't turn them down – this was one thing he loved to do wherever and with whoever…. He kept eye contact with her as he slipped the strap over his head and started to play a couple of chords...

Mac took a step back and watched as Will started to play... She loved to watch him play guitar and hadn't heard it for such a long time – another thing she'd missed so much about him over the years. He looked in his element standing there singing and playing in front of the whole team with a genuine happy smile on his face. It wasn't for a minute or two before Mac suddenly felt a chill rush through her and it all came crashing back – the last time she'd actually heard him play….

_"Mac walked in from another horrendously long day at worked and kicked off her shoes... As exhausted as she felt she couldn't help but smile when she saw Will - he was sitting on the sofa gently strumming his guitar..._

_"Hey beautiful" he said as she approached him looking for a kiss that would make all her worries disappear for a while..._

_Will had gone home that night straight after the show while Mac had had to stay and sort a few things out - he had promised dinner would be waiting for her when she got in and from the smell coming from the kitchen it seemed he wouldn't disappoint. She hoped she'd be able to eat something tonight as she wasn't sure she could face any more of Will's questioning – he'd taken her for lunch today and she'd hardly been able to eat anything without feeling sick..._

_"Hey" Mac whispered as she leant down for a long lingering kiss... "mmmm – I've missed you" she whispered and cupped his face with her hands... _

_Will chuckled and glanced at the clock... "It's only been an hour or so"..._

_ "I still miss you stupid... can't help it!"...she said as she flopped down next to him and leant her head on his shoulder... her eyes fluttered shut straight away and she let out a little sigh... this is where she loved to be – where she felt so relaxed and happy..._

_Will gently leant his guitar next to the sofa and pulled Mac into his arms,,,, "Missed you too" he muttered as he automatically buried his head in her shoulder... "You ok?" he asked a moment later as he gently placed soft, tender kisses up her neck... "You hardly said a word during the show tonight – it worries me when you're quiet!" he joked..._

_Mac smiled to herself trying to push all other thoughts out of her head and just concentrate on the feel of his lips on her... "I'm fine - just tired" she replied as she stifled what must have been the hundredth yawn that evening..._

_Will pulled away and looked into her tired eyes... she had big bags under them and he couldn't remember a time seeing her so tired..._

_"I'm worried about you Mac" Will said gently running a finger down her cheekbone... "You look exhausted... I felt you tossing and turning all night last night"..._

_Mac felt her insides start to churn at the look of worry on his face... how could she do this to him? She needed to tell him everything – the guilt was eating her up inside – she'd felt ill for days now and she knew it was the guilt causing it... _

_"Mac?" Will repeated and kissed the tip of her nose... She normally loved these tender kisses but it was throwing her emotions into turmoil tonight..._

_"I'm fine... honest" she answered quietly and snuggled her head on his chest so he couldn't see her face or the tears that were threatening to fall... _

_"Maybe you should see a Doctor" he murmured as he pulled her tightly into him and gently stroked her hair... "It's not like you to be this tired – he can run some tests or something"..._

_Mac didn't say anything but she closed her eyes and hoped she'd fall asleep right there... If she did, he would be sure to carry her to bed and snuggle her down for the night... It meant she wouldn't have to think about this anymore today and things might seem clearer in the fresh light of day. No such luck... _

_Will pulled away slightly but kept his hands firmly on her shoulders... "You need to eat young lady – you hardly ate a thing at lunchtime... We've got spaghetti bolognaise – all I have to do is cook the pasta... It'll be ten minutes max..." _

_Will started to stand up but Mac grabbed his arm and pulled him back– if she ate a thing she was convinced she would be sick again... "In a minute" she whispered losing herself in his eyes... "Play me something first" she said nodding her head towards his guitar... "I love listening to you play" she added as she curled herself up on the sofa next to him..._

_Will smiled but the smile hid the worry inside of him – it really wasn't like her to be so low – she'd been quiet at home, she'd been quiet and grumpy at work – he'd even heard her snap twice at work today – something he was known for but not Mac. His mind wandered back to the night before as he picked up his guitar... they'd made love but it had been so one sided Will wanted to stop – when he questioned her she just clung to him ever tighter than she usually did and begged him to carry on. Afterwards, as he held her to him, he swore he felt moisture from her eyes trickle onto his chest but when he checked she had her eyes tightly shut and pretended to be asleep. _

_Mac leant against him as he started to play and let a small sigh – it was their song and he often used to sing it to her – he knew she loved the words and they'd even planned it as their wedding song but tonight the words seemed to burn her ears as he sung softly to her..._

_"Have I told you lately that I love you  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
Fill my heart with gladness  
Take away all my sadness  
Ease my troubles that's what you do_

__

For the morning sun in all its glory  
Greets the day with hope and comfort too  
You fill my life with laughter  
And somehow you make it better  
Ease my troubles that's what you do  
There's a love that's divine  
And it's yours and it's mine like the sun  
And at the end of the day  
We should give thanks and pray  
To the one, to the one  


_Have I told you lately that I love you  
Have I told you there's no one else above you  
Fill my heart with gladness  
Take away all my sadness  
Ease my troubles that's what you do"_

_Before Will could even start the second verse Mac couldn't take any more – the tears that had been threatening to fall most of the day suddenly shot from her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.. Will stopped playing instantly and pulled her into a hug but she couldn't bear it – he was being so perfect as usual – so loving – so kind and all she could think about was Brian and how she had cheated on the man of her dreams. She'd fucked everything up and she knew it…_

_Not being able to take the feel of Will's arms around her Mac summoned all her energy and jumped up almost running to the bathroom and locked the door. Will followed of course and stood outside the bathroom door begging her to let him in, begging her to tell him what was wrong but she couldn't. If she told him it would break his heart and she couldn't bear to do that to him._

_They didn't eat that night and for most of the night Mac tossed and turned again – only this time Will was as sleepless as her... he tried so many times to get her to tell him what was wrong, he'd tried to hold her, to soothe her, but Mac's defence mechanisms had kicked in and she could hardly stand the feel of his loving arms around her – he would hate her soon enough and Mac was preparing herself._

_The following afternoon after hours of turmoil, heartbreak and tears Mac left the apartment and booked herself into a hotel. Will had exploded with anger when she'd finally told him the following morning... the anger she could deal with, him hating her she could accept but she couldn't bear to watch as he'd broken down and sobbed – never before had she seen such disappointment etched onto someone's face and, for as long as she'd live, she'd never forget it._

Mac was bought out of her memories by the sound of a big cheer as Will finished his song - he instantly looked across at her and winked. Mac smiled back pushing those memories from four years ago back where they belonged – she'd been utterly convinced for years that he'd never be able to forgive her but here they were – closer than they'd been for years. Those that had told her time would heal everything were maybe right after all – it seemed like Will was finally starting to forgive her – the question was whether she could forgive herself.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mackenzie, listen to me… there's no way - no way - I'm not reporting this story"….

His words were quiet but firm and Mac knew instantly she wouldn't question this any further. For a moment she stood motionless stunned at what was happening but absolutely loving the feeling of Will holding her shoulders – even the slightest physical contact with him these days seemed to cause her insides to flip over and back again. She didn't blink, she didn't move – she did nothing physically but her mind was running at a hundred miles an hour….

"You understand right?" Will asked, this time his tone a little softer…

"Of Course" was all Mac could answer and she did understand – she was just gutted this was happening – tonight of all nights. This was supposed to be the broadcasts of all broadcasts and she needed him to be one hundred per cent on his game...

"I'm not gonna let you down" Will whispered so sincerely and there in a split second Mac simply understood he wouldn't – however he seemed right now she knew she trusted him completely. When she thought about it for a second she realised he never had – not since the day they'd met all those years ago had he ever let her down.

"I know"… Mac whispered as she continued to gaze into his eyes – the eyes that even when stoned could have the ability to make her go weak at the knees and fill her heart until it was fit to burst. Mac was starting to lose herself completely as Will rubbed her shoulders gently but something in her brain suddenly reminded her they had the most important broadcast of their lives to do. She took a deep breath and nodded her head to Will – he seemed to understand all was ok and, with his hand placed on her lower back, he gently guided her towards the door.

"We got Obama" he said joyfully as they reached the door – thrilled to be sharing this moment with her...

A feeling of dread took over Mac just as Will realised what he'd said... He quickly corrected himself... "Bin Laden" he smiled before adding... "I got that one out of my system!"

Mac wondered just what the hell was going to happen next – 'just trust him' she thought to herself as she waited for him to open the door – even stoned he was always the gentleman with her. As Will reached for the door Mac noticed the tie still hanging loosely around his collar and a small smile formed on her lips….

"Come here idiot..." she said quietly as the door slipped shut again…. She turned Will around so his back was against the door and let a small giggle escape her lips at the look of bewilderment on his face…. "You might be stoned, but we can at least smarten you up"….

Will suddenly remembered the tie and let out a small chuckle…. "How can this simple thing throw a man of my intelligence huh?"

"Intelligence? You?" Mac questioned and raised her eyebrow cheekily to him letting him know she was kidding...

"Hey – I'm the most intelligent stoned news anchor you know" he joked but the smile soon disappeared from his face as he felt Mac start to adjust his tie. Just the feeling of her hands working their magic was sending all sorts of messages through his jumbled brain and Will felt his heart start to race. He stood still and glanced down to her face and smiled again at the look of concentration spread across her features – she looked as if she were writing a masterpiece rather than tieing a tie and Will couldn't help but let out a little chuckle.

"What?" Mac questioned him but he didn't say anything – he simply smiled again and let her carry on. The more he watched the more Will couldn't take his eyes off her and he suddenly longed to be able to hold her, to kiss her like he used to do. She had her tongue sticking out slightly between her teeth and all Will could think about was how he wanted to feel that tongue on his own again, to remember how it felt with her lips crashing into his.

Mac shot him a brief glance as she turned his collar up to tuck the tie inside and the look of longing she saw there made her hands start to tremble. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea she thought to herself...

He might have been stoned but Will noticed the tremble straight away and all it did was to add fuel to the fire already burning inside of him... "Mac"…. he whispered so quietly that Mac could hardly hear him….

She kind of knew what he was going to say and as much as she wanted to hear it she wouldn't let him carry on... Firstly he was high and anything he said he surely wouldn't mean and secondly Mac couldn't, and wouldn't, let anything interrupt this broadcast – not even a Will McAvoy kiss.

Shaking her head slightly she finally tied the knot she'd been working on... "shhh – don't say anything" she replied simply trying her very best to ignore his eyes...

Will couldn't help himself - the feelings coursing through his veins at that moment were starting to take over his entire body and before he knew what he was doing he had cupped one side of her face with one hand and was gently stroking her cheekbone with the other. Mac may have been shaking her head but her eyes were telling him something else – they were telling him she wanted this as much as he did. He gazed into her eyes for a moment longer then slowly leant his head down and rested his forehead on hers...

"I miss you Mackenzie" he mumbled truthfully as he cautiously dropped his hands down and wrapped them around her waist...

The tie was suddenly forgotten... Mac closed her eyes and savoured the feeling of his arms around her – it's what she had longed to feel again for so long. As she listened to his shallow breathing it amazed her how quickly the feeling of comfort and safety could come back to her – just from feeling his arms around her. Nothing was said for the next thirty seconds or so and it wasn't till Mac sighed gently that Will straightened his head up and gazed, once again longingly, into her eyes "What would you say if I told you I really wanted to kiss you right now?"

His voice was so low and raw and the words were so gentle and calm that Mac wasn't sure if she'd heard correctly – he was so close though that she could feel his breath on her face as he spoke so she knew she definitely didn't imagine it. Her insides were screaming at her but screaming with two different messages…. Her heart was telling her to kiss him – damn everything and just kiss him - but her head gave her a completely different bit of advice… Hoping with all her might that she didn't regret this Mac let her head win…. She closed her eyes and tried to control her trembling hands as she took up her task of the tie again….

"I'd say as tempting as it sounds you'd probably regret it when the marijuana has worn off Billy"….

Will shook his head slightly making Mac's task of straightening the tie a little harder… "Never" he mumbled and Mac felt his hand start to rub her lower back gently….

"Stay still" she whispered and finally straightened up the tie. She turned down the collar and smiled – pleased with her efforts... "That's better" she mumbled under her breath not knowing what the hell to do next. As she looked up into his eyes she was sure his head was moving oh so slowly towards hers - she felt the trembling in her hands spread throughout her whole body...

"Come on – Charlie's waiting for us" Mac said very matter of factly but Will didn't move – he just continued to gaze down into her eyes... Mac couldn't remember a time when she felt more confused and she could feel tears start to form in her eyes and a kind of panic start to set in... "Will, please" she whispered hoping to god he didn't move any closer towards her – she knew she wouldn't be able to turn him down if he did...

Will seemed to notice the panic and desperation in her voice and slowly pulled away leaving them both feeling a little cold inside... Mac didn't miss the look of disappointment on his face and she felt that familiar feeling of regret fill her senses...

"We can't do this now" she whispered hoping more than anything that Will picked up on the 'now' part of her words...

Will smiled and closed his eyes – suddenly feeling more sober than he had done all evening... "Come on – let's go see Charlie" he said as he turned and held the door open for her.

* * *

The rest of the evening was a huge success as far as the whole Newsnight team were concerned... When they finally got the go ahead to get on the air Will had turned into the ultimate professional and the show was something to be mighty proud of. Mac was thrilled that they had been first to report the news and even more thrilled that Will had gotten through the whole broadcast without a single hitch. As she watched her team congratulate each other with hugs and shakes of hands she flopped down into the chair in her control room and closed her eyes for a second. She was exhausted – both emotionally and physically and she still had no idea how this evening was going to end.

A couple of minutes later she picked up her folder and made her way through the newsroom to the sanctuary of her office. Luckily no one had seen her sneak in and Mac was hoping for ten minutes of peace and quiet as she kicked off her shoes and sat herself down behind her desk. In the semi-darkness of her office Mac let her mind go over the events of the day. It had been one of the best in a long, long time and something had most definitely changed between her and Will – she was well aware of that but she was also aware of just how quickly things were moving which scared her a little if she was honest. Even before the disastrous cookies were eaten they'd been closer today than they had been since they broke up although the confusion that was currently filtering its way around her body was much the same as that awful day four years ago. It seemed the closer they had gotten over the past few weeks the more that day and all its horrendous memories came flooding back to her...

_Mac managed to hold herself together as she let herself into her hotel room but the second the door closed behind her and she was alone she exploded into emotional turmoil. The tears that she had bravely held in for most of the day started to fall from her eyes with sobs that were so loud and so hard she barely knew what to do with herself. She threw her holdall of clothes, that she'd managed to drag together before Will had thrown her out, onto the floor and leant back against the door trying desperately to just breathe in and out... Before too long though her legs felt like they would give way and she slid down the door and landed in a heap on the cold, hard floor._

_She sat there for what felt like hours crying and crying, pulling at her hair and every now and then banging her head against the door in frustration at her stupidity. She had been convinced when she awoke that morning that telling Will everything had been the only option available to her but now it was all over she wasn't as sure – maybe she could have kept all this to herself and she'd be snuggled up with him watching a movie or something. She had lain awake most of the night before and she knew she'd kept Will awake with her. He'd pleaded with her during the night to tell him what was bothering her and she knew from the look in his eyes he was terrified of whatever was happening. _

_ She must have finally drifted off to sleep around five am but was awake again by seven with Will's arm draped across her stomach. She'd carefully turned herself around and watched him sleeping for nearly an hour before he stirred - taking in every contour of his beautiful face, watching his chest gently rise and fall with every breath he took. She knew this would probably be the last time she'd be this close to him and she wanted to make sure she remembered every single detail. Will had woken about eight and smiled tentatively at Mac as he opened his eyes – he looked utterly exhausted and this alone tore at Mac's heartstrings. She allowed him to kiss her – a final kiss that was so soft and so tender and so full of love – but he'd soon realised she wasn't responding and demanded to know what was wrong. It seemed that the fresh light of day had bought Will a fresh insistence to know what was tearing Mac's life apart._

_Mac couldn't deny him not knowing any longer – he had done nothing wrong and the situation was driving him crazy. All he was guilty of was 'maybe' loving her too much if there was such a thing... Thinking about it, cold and alone in her hotel room, Mac knew that thought was utterly ridiculous - there was no such thing as loving someone too much. He had loved her that way since their very first date - he'd never hidden it and Mac knew she had no right to try to even pin one per cent of the blame onto him – he was perfect and she was the fucking villain of the piece. She deserved everything she got._

_Mac had been determined not to cry as she'd torn out his heart – she had no right to cry. She'd been brave and she'd been truthful in the hope that she could convince Will that they could get through this together. She'd told him time and time again how much she loved him - what an idiot she'd been... she'd apologised over and over again, pleaded with him to forgive her – to let her make it up to him but all to no avail. He'd wanted her banished from his life and she couldn't really blame him - surely she'd say the same if it were the other way around Mac had thought. _

_The one thing Mac hadn't reasoned for in the admission was that Will could possibly blame himself for this mess. Mac had tried to explain – to help him through the hurt but he clearly wasn't listening - he only seemed intent with tormenting himself with his own alleged inadequacies. This was the final straw for Mac to watch – he questioned her constantly what he had done wrong as she'd tried to explain… Was it the sex? Was it the way he treated her? Was it the age difference? Was it work? What was it he'd done wrong he'd pleaded but Mac wasn't able to answer because she simply didn't know why she'd done it herself._

_Mac sat in the same position for a couple of hours without moving but finally she pulled herself up and made her way to the mini-bar. She emptied the contents of every bottle into her stomach in record time before collapsing onto the bed into a fitful sleep. She must have woken at least every ten minutes through the night – she'd had nightmares before but nothing compared to the look of Will's face that kept rushing into her mind that night. _

_The weekend took forever to pass and when Monday morning finally arrived Mac simply couldn't bring herself to go into work. She rung in sick only ever intending to be away for one day but she never returned. She watched Will that night on TV – his professionalism had obviously kicked in as he looked almost normal on the screen – he seemed in control but Mac could see the sadness and hurt in his eyes – even through a TV camera. Looking at him on the screen was more difficult that she could ever imagine. She switched the television off halfway through and never, ever watched his show again._

Mac almost jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand on her shoulder… She looked up to see Will smiling down at her – he looked so content – so happy…. Mind you – he was high Mac thought to herself briefly…

"Hey…. You ok?" he asked with concern written all over his face…. "You were in a world of your own there? I knocked three times"

Mac smiled and nodded and then smiled again – really not sure what to say….

"Penny for your thoughts?" Will asked quietly…

"You wouldn't want to know" Mac answered truthfully and Will didn't miss the sad tone in her voice. "Great show Billy" she added quickly before Will could bring the subject back round to her…

He smiled proudly and sat on the edge of her desk deciding it was probably best to drop whatever was wrong for now…. "Told you I wouldn't let you down" he said – a small chuckle escaping his mouth. "Hey – everyone's off to Hang Chews for a celebration…. You coming?"

Mac thought about it for a second… she was tempted…. She didn't want to be a killjoy with the rest of the team but she simply couldn't face it – emotionally she was drained. She shook her head slowly… "I don't think so Will – I'm shattered…. It's been a long day" she explained….

Will nodded his head…. "I know – me too…. I would go if you were going but maybe we'll just leave the kids to it eh?" he joked…. Will waited a moment and then took a chance…. "How about dinner? Just the two of us somewhere quiet? We owe ourselves a celebration!"

"I think you need to get home and sleep it off" Mac shot at him quickly utterly convinced the two of them alone for dinner would most definitely end up in the night being spent together…

"I'm fine…" Will replied hopefully… "I told you – my body is a medical marvel"

"At least you can say it this time!"

Will leaned down and took Mac's hand in his…. "Come on… I'll cook if you don't fancy a restaurant….. anything you want"….

Mac didn't answer – she just gazed and their hands joined together - his thumb tenderly rubbing the top of her hand. Thirty seconds passed and Will was beginning to feel nervous - silly even for asking but he remembered the day they'd had together and Charlie's pep talk earlier – he wanted this & he was pretty sure Mac wanted it too…. "We need to talk Mac…"

Mac couldn't miss the sincerity in his voice…. She knew he was right – she knew they had to talk or else they would both explode soon…. "I know" she whispered… "But not tonight…. Not when you're high"… She knew it sounded weak but she also knew she was right - there's no way she was having this discussion with him stoned….

"I'm fine…. I promise" Will replied but Mac cut him off before he could say anything else….

"Look – I promise we'll talk…. Any time tomorrow, next week – whenever you want but just not tonight – I'm not doing this while you're stoned Billy"….

Will bit his lip as he tried to think of something to say to change her mind… He was annoyed with himself now – he wanted this sorted but he could see there was no way Mac was going to change her mind…

"I'm gonna ask again tomorrow" he said weakly his voice full of hope….

"Good" Mac said starting to feel jittery inside already…. "I look forward to it" she added as she stood up….

Will stood at the same time and suddenly pulled Mac into him for a hug. Mac didn't resist…. she leant her head against his chest and hugged him tightly for the second time that day. They pulled away a minute or so later and Mac smiled shyly before she slipped on her shoes and grabbed her coat. With his arm draped around her shoulder Will walked her downstairs and hailed her a cab. As the cab pulled over, Will opened the door for her and before Mac had the chance to say anything he leant in and placed the softest of kisses on her cheek… "Goodnight" he whispered….

Mac felt like she was walking on air as she shyly wished him goodnight in return. She got in the cab and he closed the door – his eyes never once leaving hers. As the cab pulled away she turned to see him standing on the sidewalk with his hand raised, waving goodbye.

Ten minutes later and Mac was strolling into her apartment feeling more contented than she had in years. She was feeling nervous for the conversation that was going to have to happen over the next few days but she was happy it was finally going to take place – it really was about time. From the events of today she knew he wanted to try again – he may not have said it but he was going to - Mac was sure of it but what she wasn't sure of was whether he had forgiven her completely. All the hugs and kisses didn't mean a thing if he couldn't get past what happened four years ago and that was the one thing still bothering her – she knew they would never get over this until she was fully released of any guilt by Will.

Refusing to let any bad thoughts spoil her day Mac headed straight for her bedroom, undressed and stepped into a steaming hot shower. She couldn't help but smile widely as the water relaxed her – things were finally looking up for her.

* * *

Across town Will poured himself a large glass of ice cold water - he didn't feel stoned anymore but he knew there was probably a hell of a lot still in his system. He kicked off his shoes, flopped down on the sofa and switched the TV on.

Although the TV was still full of the Bin Laden news Will couldn't concentrate. Today had been a good day – a great day in-fact – and he was feeling more relaxed and happy than he had done in years. The broadcast was possibly the best he and Mac had ever produced, the contracts were sorted and he'd been sure enough of his feelings to ask Mac to talk. Part of him was hugely disappointed that she wasn't here now with him but he knew in his heart of hearts she was probably right to put it off to another day. Dr Habib would be very proud of him and his actions today – he was sure of that.

Five minutes passed but to Will it felt like five hundred - he didn't know what to do with himself and he was slowly sending himself crazy. He felt fine – he was sure he wasn't stoned anymore and he needed to talk to Mac – he'd never sleep until he told her how he felt at least. For a brief moment he considered just going to her apartment and making her talk but then he thought better of it. Picking up his Blackberry he dialled the number he knew by heart and waited patiently as the phone rang and rang…..

"Come on Mac – answer the damn phone" he muttered but thirty seconds later he heard her voicemail click in…. He nearly hung up there and then but maybe this would be easier in a voicemail after all - he waited for the beep and then began to leave a message sounding much more convincing than he felt.

Hanging up the phone a minute or so later Will flicked through the channels and waited for Mac to return his call.

* * *

**A/N - ****Hope you're still enjoying this... Nearly at the end!**

**Katy**

**p.s - How quiet is it on here lately? Where is everyone?! Come back story tellers... ;0)**


	9. Chapter 9

Will had experienced hurt before, he'd experienced loneliness, he'd experienced the pain, bitterness and resentment rejection could bring but he honestly thought he'd never have to live through those feelings again – simply because he'd vowed to himself he'd never let himself be in that position again. He'd promised himself, on that unspeakable day four years ago, that he would never let anyone – anyone – make him feel that way again but here he was – rejected and hurt all over again and all down to the same bloody woman.

He remembered with such clarity the feeling that had swept over him as she'd left their apartment four years ago and to this day it was still indescribable. He'd had this conversation with both Dr Habib's – Father and Son - and he was certain they didn't believe him when he said he couldn't put his feelings into words – but he couldn't – he wasn't fucking around with them and he wasn't being awkward – he simply couldn't talk about it.

His heart had been shattered that day and he'd fallen apart in the months that followed but after that initial Saturday morning where she'd explained her web of lies he hadn't shed a single tear – he wouldn't allow himself. He knew that part of him had simply died that day and he'd never felt the same person inside since. Of course, there'd been moments when he'd been 'almost happy' since then but he'd never felt the true contentment he'd felt when he was with Mac and he'd always suspected he'd never feel it again. Until recently that was – being with Mackenzie over the past few months had given him fresh hope that he could, once again, find true happiness.

Will sat on the edge of his sofa, where he'd been for the last five hours, with his aching head in his hands and wondered to himself how the hell he'd read this situation so wrong. He'd been completely and utterly convinced Mackenzie wanted this too. Everything in his being had told him that she was as much in love again as he was – surely the way they had gotten closer over the past couple of months wasn't just in his imagination?

He was starting to think that he was losing his mind somehow…. Surely her eyes hadn't fooled him? He had always able to read everything about her just from her eyes - those beautiful, soulful eyes. Those eyes had definitely told him that she wanted this - wanted him – he knew he wasn't imagining that. Will shook his head and let out a small sarcastic laugh…. Of Course, how could he have not realised before? Those eyes - he remembered those eyes had lied to him before and he remembered the pain those eyes had caused him with their deceitfulness…. He remembered the way those lying eyes had broken his heart into a million pieces and he cursed himself for being such a fucking idiot to be taken in once again.

Anger started to take over the whole of his body as he sat and thought… He tried to give her the benefit of doubt – maybe she wanted to do this face to face rather than calling him back but then again, he knew Mackenzie – she'd be over like a shot if she wanted this – she was never one to hold back – it was always all or nothing with her – she wouldn't wait till the following morning.

So that was it then… She'd simply chosen the nothing part of that option – it was plain for Will to see now - she'd rejected him again. She'd led him on again and she was trying to break his heart again. The anger running through his veins wasn't just aimed at her though – he was the idiot making the same old mistakes – the very vow he'd made to himself four years ago he'd thrown out the window over the past few weeks and all for her. It pissed him off that it was always for her – why couldn't it be some other woman?

After seeing his Father angry and drunk for most of his childhood Will very rarely felt that kind of anger – he wouldn't let himself - he'd just shut off from a situation and let it go but at this moment he felt more fury inside than he had for felt for years. Out of nowhere he slammed his fist down into the coffee table sending his bourbon glass flying across the room and shattering into thousands of pieces. Almost immediately, he felt mortified and ashamed of himself for letting her get to him so much but then part of him felt a few seconds of relief as the pain that shot threw his hand at that moment meant he didn't feel the aching in his heart one little bit.

Will looked at the bruise that was starting to form on his hand, buried his head in his hands and once again cursed his stupidity. Tears pricked at the back of his eyes but he wasn't having any of that – not this time. He might have been taken in again by her but if she didn't want him then she could go fuck herself – he wasn't playing this stupid game with her anymore and he certainly wasn't going to cry.

* * *

Mac made her way through the Newsroom that Monday morning with a massive smile on her face and a spring in her step. She had always loved her work but today she loved it even more. She couldn't wait to hear the good reports from the broadcast last night and more than that she simply couldn't wait to see Will. Mac giggled to herself as she set down her coffee – she was actually excited – how silly is that she thought to herself. She felt a flutter in her chest and she knew it was caused by the thought of Will McAvoy. Switching on her laptop she tried to take the silly smile off her face but just ended up laughing at herself… "Get a grip Mackenzie" she muttered to herself thinking that the staffers would soon guess something was up if she couldn't stop smiling like a love sick teenager.

For the first time in years Mac could see a light at the end of the very dark tunnel she'd been travelling through. She'd always hidden her heartbreak so well – she'd always known she only had herself to blame so she'd simply got on with life but, she'd been doing exactly that – getting on with life – not living it. She hadn't really lived properly since their split but now that looked like it could all be behind them – they could finally get on with the life they had planned years ago. She picked up her blackberry with the intention of texting Will… She had stopped herself texting him about five times during the night and once again she stopped herself. She wanted the move to come from him and not seem like she was pushing him into anything – it was the only way she would convince herself he had truly forgiven her. If she put ideas in his head she was convinced it could end up with Will just being polite so she needed him to make the first move. She placed her phone back on the desk staring at it – willing it to show her she had a text or email from Will.

Mac smoothed down her skirt and was careful how she sat down – she'd made an extra special effort with her outfit that morning – a slightly shorter skirt and a higher set of heels – just as Will liked and just on the off-chance he asked her out to dinner again. Off chance? She thought to herself and smiled again – hadn't he said that he would ask her again tomorrow? So much was said over the course of the day yesterday that Mac was starting to find it difficult to remember it all but she clearly remembered him saying he would ask her again. One thing Mac knew for certain was there was no way she'd be able to turn him down two nights in a row. She was a strong woman but she couldn't refuse him twice.

Pushing the memories of yesterday to the side of her brain slightly Mac took a sip of her coffee and got off to an early start – she was convinced she wouldn't be able to concentrate quite as well once Will arrived so she had to get ahead of her day.

* * *

Across town, Will stood in the shower and let the steaming hot water soothe him… He had a headache from hell and he hadn't had a winks sleep all night. He was already half an hour late for work and on any normal day he was expecting a call from Mac demanding to know where the hell he was but today he wasn't quite so sure she'd call. He had been tempted to just call in sick and damn them all – especially her - but he knew he couldn't – especially not after the cookies yesterday – he'd never live it down. He might have taken that option a year ago but these days he was more professional that – thanks to Mackenzie. Over the course of the last twelve months he had become the example to his young team and he didn't want that reputation spoiled with them just because he'd fucked everything up.

As the hot water ran down his back Will tried not to think too much – everything seemed much better if he just didn't think – or at least think about Mac - but of course he couldn't stop himself. He had spent the past hour trying to convince himself things could work out ok at the office – that things could be normal after this latest event. Surely they could? They'd proved that this past year since Mac had come back to work and he was convinced they could make it normal again. In his voicemail, Will had given Mac the option of simply not saying anything to him if she didn't want to try again and knowing Mac she'd do just that – she'd do the right thing where work was concerned. Annoyingly ethical – she'd make it work if anyone could – all for the sake of their damn show.

As expected, Will heard his blackberry ring a couple of minutes later and he switched off the shower. He wrapped a towel round his waist and checked who it was. It was Mac of course and he froze – he had no idea what to do - answer it or not answer it?

He chose not to and simply pressed the reject button. A minute or so later he listened to the voicemail message she left and he felt his heart drop inside of his chest. She was sounding normal – completely normal as she enquired after him and asked him to call her back as soon as he could. It seems she had made her decision and chosen the option of just ignoring his message if she didn't want to try again and she was indeed being normal. He couldn't blame her really – she was only doing what he'd asked so why was he so fucking angry about the whole thing?

* * *

Mac started the rundown meeting on the dot of eleven o'clock without Will – he was already an hour late and had left no word for her which was starting to make her more than a little worried. She'd left two messages and sent a text in the last half an hour but still no word. She was convinced either something awful had happened to him or he was suffering a hangover from hell from his antics the night before. The hangover she couldn't care two hoots about but the thought of something happening to him caused her to feel physically sick. Her worries were soon cut short though… After thirty minutes Will strolled in the conference room with a coffee in one hand and a moody look on his face.

"Morning" he grunted at no one in-particular…

"Good Morning – or should I say Afternoon" Mac responded probably a little more sarcastic than she'd intended but by now her worry about his safety had turned into annoyance as he was obviously ok.

"Sorry I'm late" he mumbled to the team without even looking at Mac as he sat himself down without further explanation. "Carry on – I'll catch up" he added as he pulled his Blackberry out and studied it intently.

Mac carried on with the meeting but the atmosphere Will had created wasn't missed on anyone there – he hardly said a word for the next twenty minutes but once Mac asked his opinion he didn't stop after that making Mac wished she hadn't bothered. For the rest of the meeting he generally disagreed with everything anyone was saying and was being more pedantic than ever much to Mac's frustration. She had tried to catch his eye on a couple of occasions but each time she thought she had he would divert his attention elsewhere and away from her gaze. As the meeting finished Will was first out of the room and took himself straight to his office shutting the door firmly behind him.

Mac watched as he left and let out a loud sigh – this definitely wasn't how she had anticipated the morning would go and she felt a massive pang of disappointment flood over her. The rest of the team filed out behind Will but Jim stayed behind and watched as Mac rubbed her obviously aching temples…

"Hey – what's up with him?" Jim asked smiling sweetly at Mac… "I haven't seen him this cranky in months"…

Mac looked up briefly and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly…. "Don't know and don't really care right now… probably a massive hangover – serves him right"….

Jim knew Mac well enough to know something was going on – there'd been way too many times he'd seen that look of hurt in his boss's eyes over the years and he'd figured out it was generally caused by Will. As much as it worried him, he was also wise enough when it came to talking about it with her it wasn't worth the wasted breath – she'd defend Will to the hilt – she always had done and he guessed she always would but that didn't stop him caring about her though…

"You ok?" He asked resting a hand on her shoulder…. "You seem tense"….

"I'm ok" Mac responded – plastering a smile on her face – she was good at that… "Just didn't get much sleep last night".

Jim didn't reply for a moment and Mac noticed the look that came over his face - she felt like a lecture was coming and that was the last thing she needed right now. "Come on – work to do" she added quickly. She really didn't feel like talking about it to anyone apart from Will.

"Ok – feel better." Jim mumbled as he left the room.

Mac left it a minute or two before she picked up her notepad and made her way out of the conference room and towards her office. She kept the false smile on her face in front of her team and tried her best to look indifferent but she couldn't help but glance over to Will's office. When she caught sight of Will sitting at his desk with his head in his hands her heart ached again for him. Cursing her own weakness where he was concerned she diverted to Will's office knowing her staff was probably watching her closely. At this moment she didn't care though – she was much more concerned with what was going on in his head.

She opened the door quietly and slipped inside not quite knowing what to expect but she was certainly not expecting complete and utter silence. After a few seconds, Will looked up from his computer briefly, took a drag on the cigarette he was smoking and then turned his attention back to the screen…

"You don't knock anymore?" he asked moodily…

"I've never knocked" Mac replied smartly…. She waited for banter back but Will seemed much more interested in the email he was reading than her…. "You ok?" Mac asked quietly after a minute or so her voice laced with concern…

"I'm fine" Will replied abruptly without even looking up from the desk…

Mac considered just leaving him to himself – she knew his moods well enough and it was clear he was in one at the moment but then she thought back to this time the day before when they were sharing lunch in the park and laughing the day away and she was concerned. Slowly she made her way to the other side of his desk and perched on the side but still he didn't look up…

"Will". Mac's voice was so quiet that Will pretended not to hear…. "Will?" She repeated louder this time..

Finally, Will took a deep breath and looked up… "Look, I'm really busy here – I have to see Charlie in a minute"…. He caught her eye for a moment but couldn't hold her gaze and instead he got up to stare outside the window….

"What you meeting with Charlie about?" Mac asked – knowing full well there had been no meeting scheduled…

"Things" he responded….

"What things?" Mac questioned again….

"Jesus Mac…. just things…" Will half shouted….

Mac was growing weary of his attitude already…. "What the hell's the matter with you?"

"Nothing" was the terse reply…. "I just want to get on with my work if that's ok with you"….

"If you're so busy why the hell were you nearly two hours late without even answering my calls?"

Will turned around and for the first time Mac noticed the dark circles under his eyes… he looked dreadful and this calmed her down a little…

"I don't report to you Mackenzie" Will blurted out annoyed at himself how childish he sounded but he simply couldn't think of anything else to say… "Something came up…"

"And you don't think it would have been nice to at least pick up the phone and call – I left two messages" she answered sounding a lot calmer than she felt inside….

"I didn't think we had to return voicemails" Will spat out the side of his mouth without even glancing at Mac. He held his breath for a second and stared out of the window again, convinced she would say something about his voicemail but she didn't and Will breathed out again…

"I was worried about you" came the soft reply a few seconds later and Will felt a flutter in his chest and a pang of guilt at his own behaviour….

He turned to face her and the look of worry on her face made him feel like a bigger prick than he already felt….. "I'm fine" he said a moment or two later his anger fading away as her concern over him re-appeared. ….

Mac nodded but didn't say anything – there was a look in his eye that she couldn't quite place and it bothered her… Yet again, their timing stank and Mac knew he obviously was not going to talk about it now so after a few moments Mac nodded her head again and made her way to the door…. As she reached the door a flash of the previous evening whizzed through her mind and she could almost feel that very near kiss again as she tied his tie. She turned around to see Will staring at her and she wondered for a brief moment if he was thinking the same thing. She waited a moment longer for him to say something but when nothing came she slowly placed her hand on the handle and then opened the door… "You're sure you're ok Billy?"

"I'm fine" Will repeated, quieter this time, a lump forming in his throat…. Why the hell did she have to call him that?

"Ok…. I'll be in my office if you need me" she whispered and made her way back to her own office.

Will watched her go and let out the breath he'd been holding - he felt like shit and he knew he'd treated her appallingly yet again. He couldn't help himself though – it was a hurt or be hurt thing and right now Will had to protect his heart from breaking again.

* * *

Somehow they got through the rest of the day without any more arguments or bickering and show time finally arrived. Mac felt like she'd been battling all day with everyone and everything and she was exhausted of this emotional roller coaster she'd been on for the last forty eight hours. Since their conversation in his office that morning they'd hardly said a word to each other – a fact that had been noticed by every single member of their team including Charlie.

Once again, Will's professionalism shone through during the show – Mac watched him closely throughout the whole show and she simply couldn't figure out what was happening with him – there was that strange look behind his eyes again the whole way through the broadcast. Mac couldn't figure where she'd seen it before and it was driving her crazy to know what had happened to cause the sudden change in Will.

The minute the show was over Will ripped out his ear-piece and was out of the door by the time Mac had even made it out of the control room – she saw him disappear into the elevator and her heart dropped as she watched the elevator reach the lobby. Although it had been a trying day part of her was still expecting an invitation to dinner and talk just as he'd promised – it never came though and Mac headed home with a dull ache back in her chest – a feeling she hadn't felt for months.

As hard as she tried to put the day out of her mind Mac simply couldn't. She laid awake for hours wracking her brain to try and figure out what the hell had changed in one day. All she could assume was it must have been the marijuana that had made him say so much yesterday and Mac was thrilled she'd been strong enough not to go home with him or allow him to kiss her. If there was this much trouble the next day with him just saying it imagine how bad it would have been if they'd actually done something. Mac knew that she should try and talk to him about it but with Will McAvoy and his damn stubbornness that was sometimes easier said than done. She watched the clock as it passed three am but still couldn't sleep – all she could see was that strange look in his eyes and it was beginning to haunt her.

* * *

It wasn't until four days later during their broadcast on Friday evening that it suddenly hit her like a brick. That look – it was the exact same look she'd seen that time she'd switched off the TV in her hotel room four years ago – the look that had hidden his broken heart.

* * *

**A/N - Just wanted to say a very big thank you for all the lovely reviews - it gives me the incentive to carry on with this even when I get stuck!**

**Thanks. Katy. x**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - Really want to say a massive thank you for all your lovely reviews - it really does make me carry on! :)**

**Hope you like this part**

**x**

* * *

Mac stood opposite Will in his office and was on the verge of losing it completely. Things had been strained between them personally for weeks now but somehow Mac had kept everything on an even keel for them when it came to work. In public she was still supporting Will and everything he said but in private she was starting to run out of patience with him - In love with him or not the man was starting to become a giant pain in the arse. This latest conversation was doing nothing to help repair their troubled relationship...

"You're joking?" Mac almost laughed... She stared at him and waited for him to smile - utterly convinced he was going to laugh and tell her he was joking but the smile or the laugh never came. Instead he slowly shook his head...

"Brian?" Mac asked again quietly? Just in case she had misheard him...

Will didn't say anything – he just simply nodded and picked up his cigarettes...

"You're kidding me" Mac responded her voice getting louder with each word... "Brian Brenner?"

"Mac – it'll be ok..."

"It'll be ok? Have you lost your bloody mind?"

"Before you start going off on one Brian is..."

But Mac cut him off... She couldn't remember a time she'd felt angrier towards Will... "Let me get this straight" she shouted her face turning slightly red... "You could pick any writer in New York – sorry, from The United States of America - to do this article and you pick fucking Brian Brenner? Have you lost your mind completely?"...

Will put his cigarettes back down on the desk and made his way around the other side where Mac was standing... "You know the ratings are bad and I made it clear to you my first priority is the debate and Brian will help us get the ratings back up, which will..."

"Brian will help us get it? How the hell will Brian help?"

"You know what I mean – the article will help us"

Mac could feel the rage burning inside of her and knew she was going to struggle to control her temper...

"And you don't mind him hanging around here watching our every move?" Mac asked knowing full well he did mind...

"Of course not" Will replied trying his best to look cool with it all...

Mac stared again and shook her head – refusing to believe that Will was authorising this to happen...

"And you didn't think of asking me if I was ok with it?" she asked, her voice quieter and cracking a little at the end...

Will didn't say anything but again reached for his cigarettes...

"Fine… Dome of silence... Let me have a stab at what you thought... Of course you didn't think of asking me because you don't give a shit whether I mind do you?... What was it – a bit of fun for you? - let's piss Mackenzie off – that will be the laugh for today" Mac spat at him...

"Don't be silly - It's not like that" Will tried to defend himself but even he thought it sounded weak...

"No? Why else would you do it? Why else would you pick Brian?" Mac responded before Will could say anything else...

Although Will had known this would probably be Mac's reaction it was starting to pain him seeing her this angry and upset and he didn't know quite how to answer her last question... After a few seconds of silence he decided the best option was to ignore her question and carry on regardless...

"He might be a giant prick Mac but he's a fucking good journalist"...

"I don't give a damn how good a journalist he is... There's hundreds of good journalists out there Will... why the hell did you have to pick the one that ruined our lives?"

"No Mac – you did that not Brian" Will barked angrily…

Will tried to stop himself but the words were out there before he could shut his mouth – he closed his eyes immediately not even wanting to look at Mac's face knowing the hurt that would be written all over it...

"I'm sorry – I didn't mean to say that" Will whispered when he finally opened his eyes...

Mac didn't say a word – she stared at him until he finally met her gaze – biting her bottom lip so hard determined not to well up with tears in front of him... Will couldn't help but see the hurt in her eyes and he felt like shit for causing it...

"Mac – I'm sorry – that was out of line" Will repeated - he really hadn't meant for it to go that far...

"You're damn right it was" Mac almost whispered her voice low and raw with emotion... "How many times do I have to apologise Will before you let it go? I must be up to what? about five thousand apologies by now... but if bringing Brian in will help you to feel better about it then go ahead – don't mind me..."

Will didn't miss the sarcasm in her voice and for the first time since she'd rejected him and his voicemail message Will was awash with guilt...

"Mac – listen... I didn't mean to say that... I'm really am sorry" Will responded with his head bowed...

Mac ignored his apology and looked quickly at her watch... "We have a meeting with Charlie in ten minutes then the staff meeting starts dead on eleven. Don't be late for either".

She turned and headed towards the door catching a glimpse of Brian hovering at the entrance to Newsroom...

"Mac – wait" Will pleaded but Mac wasn't having any of it...

"You have a visitor" Mac cut him off and nodded towards Brian as she very quickly left his office and made her way towards her own.

"Fuck it" Will shouted the minute the door shut.

He really hadn't intended for it to go this far…. He was just about to go after her but Brian appeared at the door with a smug looking grin on his face – nothing changed Will thought to himself as he opened his office door and shook Brian's hand.

* * *

Mac closed the door to her apartment and leant back against it letting out a huge sigh – she didn't quite know how she got through the rest of the day without losing it completely but somehow she had. Her row with Will was followed by a row with Charlie and a firm instruction from him to cover the Casey Anthony trial – something both Will & Mac were strongly against but, to her amazement, Will had agreed with Charlie. Mac understood the reasons deep down - ratings were bad and she knew that Will was desperately after the debate but she just wished there was some other way they could get it without ruining all their good work over the previous year.

As angry as she'd been with Will she still couldn't help but give in when Charlie told her Leona needed nothing more to fire him – the thought of him not being around every day and anchoring their show was something Mac didn't even want to consider. She had glanced across at Will and had seen the pleading in his eyes and of course her heart had once again taken over. She didn't like it one little bit but they would do what they had to do to get through this and get the ratings back where they belonged.

Mac kicked off her shoes, dropped her bags onto the floor and headed straight into her kitchen to pour herself a large glass of wine - today had been just about the worst day she could remember since she'd joined ACN. She couldn't for the life of her figure out what was happening between Will and her personally and that upset her more than Brian hanging around. She'd tried time and again over the last few weeks to bring the subject up of them but she could tell Will was obviously not interested. Just last week she had suggested dinner – just the two of them but Will tensed up almost immediately in-front of her and it hurt her feelings more than she thought it would have done. They had grown so close up until the Bin Laden broadcast but since then they seemed to be back to how they were when Mac first arrived. Work ok – personal relationship just about in tatters.

Mac flopped down on her sofa and rested her feet on the coffee table – she was fed up, lonely, wound up and very quickly feeling sorry for herself tonight. It was actually the first time today in four years that he had out right blamed her for everything that had gone wrong between them. On the actual day of the split, four years ago, he had been so busy trying to question her as to why she had cheated that he'd never actually blamed her for it. She had always known of course, but she'd never heard the words leave Will's mouth and they had hit her right through the heart when he'd said it earlier.

Mac sighed and closed her eyes... She had no idea why she still waited around so patiently for him – days when they were close and getting along like a house on fire Mac would always remind herself that it was worth it – that she was willing to wait for him – however long it took for him to figure out his issues but then days like today when she couldn't ever see them in any kind of loving relationship again Mac wondered why the hell she just didn't accept one of the many dates she was asked on by other men.

Stupid question really Mac thought to herself - she knew the answer to that question and it was simple – no other man would ever come close to Will – he was perfect for her and deep down she knew she'd wait forever if that was needed.

She took a sip of her wine and picked up her phone to check her messages – she was convinced he might have sent her a message of some sort but he hadn't. She hated rowing with Will – she always had done but at least in the old days when they were dating there was the making up – they were always very good at making up…

_Mac sat in her office and stared out the window – her mind wandering all over the place. She'd been dating Will for six months and they'd been blissfully happy together – that was until that morning... It was Friday and they'd been disagreeing most of the week at work about how they wanted to run a story. The disagreements at work had started to cause bickering at home and it had erupted into a huge row that morning as they were getting ready for work. After half an hour of shouting Mac had stormed out to work, slamming the door behind her and hadn't heard or seen Will since. He was already an hour late for work but Mac has stopped caring about work now – she was worried... worried that she'd taken it too far and was certain Will was going to end their relationship._

_She knew he loved her – he'd told her and shown het so many times but Mac always had concerns at the back of her mind that she didn't deserve him – that she wasn't enough for him. He was stunningly handsome, extremely sexy, charming, rich, intelligent, not to mention famous, and she constantly questioned herself why he would pick her – why he would choose her to fall in love with. She'd was normally an optimistic person but she couldn't see him sticking with her too long - he was sure to find a super sexy six foot model soon and Mac was well aware she'd probably get pushed aside. Now, she was worried she'd given him the perfect opportunity..._

_"Hey... Is it safe to come in here or am I going to get something thrown at me?"_

_Mac smiled when she heard his voice - she swung round to face the door and instantly felt relieved to see him. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she saw Will standing at the door with a massive bouquet of flowers in one hand and a big fluffy teddy bear in the other. She couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face..._

_Will made his way across the office to her with a very sheepish grin on his face... "Peace offering" he said simply as he reached her desk and set the flowers down..._

_Mac jumped up and made her way round the desk to where he was standing and breathed in the smell of the flowers – she always had loved fresh flowers... She nodded her head at the bear and grinned... "Who's this then?"_

_"Ahh, this little fella – he's actually got no name yet poor thing... He was staring at me in the flower shop and looked like he could use a good home" Will joked as he took a step nearer to Mac, took one of her hands and dropped a soft kiss on her knuckles... "I thought he could cheer you up when I'm an idiot again – maybe be a reminder of just how much I love you" he added almost shyly as he squeezed her hand tightly... _

_Mac's heart was melting inside of her and she let out a little laugh and took the bear from Will... "He's gorgeous... I think I'm going to call him Billy"_

_"Billy huh?" Will repeated... "Good name!"_

_"Yep – Billy The Bear" she laughed and bought the bear to her chest for a little cuddle... "He's cute and adorable... reminds me of someone I love very much too"..._

_"Mackenzie - I'm sorry about this morning" Will whispered softly... "I'm an idiot at times"_

_"I know" Mac giggled... _

_"Forgive me?"_

_Mac thought her heart may just stop at the sincerity in his voice – never before had an apology sounded so genuine and full of love..._

_"Of course" Mac replied... "I shouldn't have gone off on one either... I'm sorry too..."_

_Will nodded and took the bear from her hands and placing him on the desk, then took both her hands in his... "You know what?" He gently pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear before taking her hand again... " Billy and I were talking on the way over here and we wondered - if you accepted our apology for me being such an idiot - whether you'd come over tonight after work so we can show you how sorry we are..."_

_Mac smiled and closed the small distance between them... "Hmmm... what do you and Billy have in mind?" she asked raising her eyebrow and grinning..._

_Will pulled her tightly against him and savoured the feeling of her next to him - she really was the love of his life and Will cursed himself for being such a prick at times... He wrapped his arms firmly around her waist and placed the most gentle of kisses on her lips... "Well, we thought we'd cook you a romantic dinner, soft music, slow dancing... and well - generally spoil you rotten..." He kissed her again, this time soft and long... "Then maybe, we could... hmmm – I don't know... make love all night long?"_

_Mac giggled at the cheeky, but hopeful, look on his face and ran her fingers through his hair - she loved the feeling of how soft his hair was... "Make love? All three of us?"_

_Will laughed out loud and shook his head... "Oh no – I'm not sharing you with anyone after dinner – I'm afraid Billy sleeps on the sofa... You can save his cuddles for when I'm not around..."_

_Mac loved the soft, tender, romantic side of Will – it was a side that no-one else saw apart from her – she'd often thought their colleagues would be amazed if they saw the gruff, outspoken anchor when he was at home with her alone..._

_"I think that sounds perfect" Mac whispered before she pulled him into her for a tender but passionate kiss... They pulled apart a minute or so later and Mac buried her head in his chest as his hands lazily rubbed her back... _

_"mmmm – can we just go home now?" Mac asked a minute later as Will tenderly stroked her hair and dropped a soft kiss to the top of her head..._

_"I wish... but we have a show to do first beautiful! Speaking of which – I better get on – had to go shopping on the way to work for some odd reason – it made me late!"_

_Mac giggled and leant up for one last kiss... "Thank you" she said smiling at the flowers and the bear... "They're beautiful"._

_"My pleasure" Will whispered and put the bear back into her arms... "I'm really am sorry about this morning Mac – I hate it when we fight"..._

_Mac nodded and looked up into his eyes... "I know me too"._

_That night was more perfect than Mac could have ever imagined. Will had left the building the moment the show had finished and when Mac arrived at his apartment forty minutes later it was filled with candles and soft music. When he opened the door, he took her straight in his arms and started to slow dance straight away – he knew how much Mac loved to dance – she always told him she felt so safe and sound when they were dancing close together. _

_It was later that night, after they had made love, that Will had asked her to move in with him – Mac knew it was maybe a bit too soon after they'd gotten together but she couldn't have said no – she was completely smitten and convinced they were meant to be together. Everything felt right and everything felt so perfect. _

_Mac could only see happy times ahead for her, Will and Billy the Bear._

Mac felt her blackberry buzzing rather than actually hearing the beeping that told her she had a text. She shook her head slightly trying to put all her happy memories to the back of her mind. Letting out a small sigh, Mac put her wine glass on the table and opened up the text – it was from Will.

'I'm sorry about Brian... I can get rid of him if you want?'

Mac shook her head and didn't quite know how to reply – she wanted Brian gone, she was certain of that, but now she felt a bit silly for throwing such a strop that morning… Then there was also a part of her that wanted Brian to see just how well she had done since they'd split...

'Don't worry. I can handle him. Mac. x'

After she sent the text she finished her wine and decided on an early night – hopefully everything would be better in the morning – she was thinking that a lot lately. She quickly undressed and put on her pyjamas. As she brushed her teeth another text came in...

'Only if you're sure? I am sorry though. Always the idiot messing things up.'

Mac felt a pang of guilt as she read the text. She climbed into bed and thought for a minute before replying...

'Let's just forget it. I don't like fighting with you over these things Will. No more arguments between us over Brian? Please?'

'No more arguments – I promise' was the simple reply from him a few moments later.

Mac smiled and was tempted to ring him – they hadn't spoken out of work for weeks but then she was scared to push it too much with him so she decided on the text instead…

'Am sleepy now – goodnight. x'.

Mac switched her lamp off and reached across the bed and pulled the big fluffy teddy bear in tightly against her chest. Billy the bear was well worn now after four years of no Will to sleep with but he was all Mac had at times like this when she missed Will more than words could say. The bear reminded of her of better days in the past and reminded her not to give up on another chance with Will in the future. She was determined to fix things between them somehow – she loved him and she would never give up on him – not ever.

As she closed her eyes she heard her phone beep again...

'Goodnight. Love Billy. x.'

Mac smiled and felt a small flutter in her chest – she hadn't heard him call himself 'Billy' for years. The name she'd given to the bear that day had stuck with Will too – he had never allowed anyone but Mac call him by that name but from her he had to admit he loved it…

"Night Billy" Mac whispered.

Whether it was to the bear in her arms or the man across town not even Mac really knew.


	11. Chapter 11

Will poured himself what must have been the seventh or eighth bourbon since getting home and took a large sip. For a second the warm liquid soothed him – made him feel a bit better – even if it was only for a moment or two. He didn't know how much he'd drunk already and what's more he simply didn't care. Everything seemed to be caving in around him right now and he couldn't think anything else apart from he really only had himself to blame. The look on Mac's face that morning had been haunting him all day – he had hoped the bourbon would help him forget a bit – wipe it out - but all it seemed to be doing was making matters worse.

Will had plenty of regrets in his life but bringing Brian Brenner in to write this article was looking to be one of the biggest of late. After Mac rejecting him in the voicemail he'd thought it would be amusing to get back at her maybe – to make her suffer like he was suffering – it would also be interesting to let her see the two of them together – a straight comparison – side by side kind of thing… but now… now he didn't like it - not one little bit. For starters – just seeing the Mackenzie talking to Brian turned his stomach inside out this morning and then he'd clearly heard Mac invite Brian to Hang Chews to get to know the rest of the gang. He hadn't missed the glance she'd given him as Brian had accepted – she knew Will had heard the invite and she probably knew that it would hurt him. Will felt his heart drop inside his chest as no invite for him followed – not that he would have accepted it anyway – he couldn't bear Brian Brenner let alone socialise with the man. He knew it was his own fault though – he surely couldn't expect Mac to keep taking all his crap and not dish any out her-self – she was only human after all and she'd taken her fair share of punishment over the past fifteen months.

Will took another sip and let his mind wander back to their discussion that morning…. He couldn't get rid of the image on her face - the hurt and disappointment was etched there for him to see as he had explained why Brian was there. He knew he had sounded weak – he knew he had sounded pathetic and he knew Mackenzie had more than likely guessed why he'd done it. It seemed the more he thought about trying to get her back these days the more he constantly screwed things up.

Will picked up his phone with the thought of ringing her – he didn't care that it was two in the morning or that she was sleeping or that maybe he was a little bit drunk - It was times like this that she was the only one who could calm him, soothe him - relax him enough to sleep or even to just stop his brain from going into overdrive about something. Just a conversation with her about work even would do the trick but, for the fourth time that evening he chickened out as soon as he'd dialled her number. The last time he'd left a message for her hadn't exactly been a success and he'd hardly done anything recently to change her mind. He thought about another text but changed his mind on that one too – he'd texted her earlier – apologising for Brian – she seemed to have accepted it but he wasn't quite sure. That was the thing with damn texts these days – you couldn't see the other persons face and right now he needed to see her face – needed to hear her voice to make sure she knew he was genuinely sorry.

Desperate to talk to someone – anyone – Will flicked through the contact list on his phone and soon felt a lump come to the back of his throat as he realised he had nothing – no one to call – no one apart from her and she didn't want him – she'd made that clear a few months ago. For a very brief moment he thought of ringing one of the blond bombshells that would be sure to come on over the minute he asked but that thought soon made him feel queasy inside. The thing was – these women – they'd turn up – they'd spend the night but they'd leave him feeling even more hollow inside than the loneliness did.

It had been six months since he'd even gone on a date but he didn't miss them – he didn't miss the late meals at fancy restaurants, the hours sat at a bar chatting, the trips to the theatre or even the sex – he missed Mackenzie and what she bought to him. As the days slipped by he realised he missed her more and more... Now that would sound pretty stupid to most people as he actually saw here every day but he missed being with her – being a couple with her. He missed the touch of her, the way she made him feel… he missed being able to kiss her whenever he wanted – just because he could… he missed how contented she made him feel when they were just snuggled up together and most of all he missed making love to her - not having sex with her - but making love. He missed that connection that was them – Will and Mackenzie.

Will made his way slowly into his bathroom and took a long hard look in the mirror – he didn't like the person who was staring back at him one little bit - in fact he hated who he saw. That person looked lost, looked old and more than anything looked as lonely as hell. Will felt tears prick the back of his eyes – he berated himself for letting things get so out of control as far as Mackenzie was concerned. He briefly swore to himself he'd do something about it but he knew that was futile – he knew he'd back out if he ever got the chance.

He opened the cabinet on the wall and found the bottle of anti-depressants he remembered putting away a couple of years ago. He'd swore to himself he'd talk to Dr Habib about sorting this out once and for all and maybe getting some new pills to help at his next appointment but for now this would help. He opened the bottle and took two with a gulp of bourbon followed by a couple of strong painkillers to stop the headache he knew was bound to come by morning.

A moment or two later, Will trudged into his bedroom, flopped down on the bed and once again swallowed back the tears – he would not allow himself to cry - never. He closed his eyes and prayed that he wouldn't see her face but within a second or two she was there – invading his mind as always.

* * *

The next couple of weeks continued much the same way as Monday had gone for Will… Mac was clearly pissed at him most of the time, they were bickering near enough all the time and more importantly, his team were down and making it abundantly clear just who they blamed for it. Brian was hanging around, being a giant pain in the arse, although Will knew he couldn't complain on that front but at least Mac was being ok with him about Brian – it seemed she had accepted his text apology even though she clearly still didn't want him there. To add insult to injury though, he knew their nightly broadcasts covering the Casey Anthony circus stank - If Mac was sick of it all she had no idea just how much he hated being in front of the camera doing this. He'd explained many times to the whole team his reasons but it didn't help – they were fast all becoming not nice people to be around.

Two trips in two days to Dr Habib hadn't helped sort out his mind one little bit either which was frustrating Will more than ever. If anything, he was even more confused over his feelings towards Mackenzie and their future – if they even had a future - which Will was pretty convinced they hadn't. After spending months trying to forgive Mackenzie for her rejection it seems he had to change course and find a way to forgive her betrayal instead. Of course, Dr Habib had no useful advice on how to do this but informed him once again how much he would be hurting Mackenzie through all of this. "Tell me something I don't know" Will had shouted at Habib just a day or so ago starting to really wonder if these sessions were doing any good at all – things were definitely better for him when he was missing his appointment every week.

Will sat in his office with his head buried in his hands. The one thing he'd been certain of over the past two weeks was the debate – he was utterly convinced they'd get it – they could hardly lose it in his eyes but here they were rejected and all their crappy newscasts seemed to have been for nothing. He'd put Mackenzie and the team through all this shit for nothing but he wouldn't cave to that little twerp, Tate Brady's, demands – if he thought Will would do any kind of programme without Mac producing then he most definitely had another thought coming. He'd told him to get out in no un-certain terms and was thrilled that Charlie, Don & Sloane had backed him up even if it did mean no debate for ACN.

Will reached to his jacket pocket to pull out a fresh packet of cigarettes and out of the corner of his eye he noticed Mac talking to Brian – right in the middle of the newsroom. Her face had been strained most of the week whenever she was talking to Brian but now she seemed upset. Not many people would notice that look but Will knew her inside out and he could tell she was struggling to hold it together.

Will couldn't quite hear what was being said as he made his way through the newsroom towards Mac and Brian but he noticed all the other staffers had stopped their work and were now staring…. Mac hadn't seen him though and nor had Brian – they seemed to be in their own world. Will noticed instantly how nervous Mac seemed – she was shuffling from one foot to the other, her fists clenched at her sides and her head shaking defensively and all he wanted to do was take it away – take away the hurt and take away the pain he'd caused…. She didn't deserve any of this crap with Brian and Will knew he was responsible...

"He doesn't want you"

"Please don't talk about my personal life" Mac responded her body stiffening even more…

"I'm sort of a key player in it – is it alright if we talk about my personal life?"

He had no idea what had already been said but Will had seen and heard enough already – the one thing he'd assured her of when Brian turned up was her personal life would stay that – personal. She hated the thought of anyone finding out anything further about her 'mistake' and even though Will was the hurt party he still wanted her protected. At this moment she looked like she was either going to attack him or cry – Will wasn't sure which….

"What's going on?" Will said quietly as he gently laid a hand on Mac's lower back… She jumped slightly but then relaxed the moment she realised who it was and stepped back a little so she was closer to Will…. Brian stopped in mid-sentence and caught Will straight in the eyes with a stare….

"Well?" Will repeated – waiting for an answer….

"It's nothing" Mac whispered looking up at Will…. "Let it go"...

"It didn't seem like nothing" he replied a little louder looking around the room… "It seemed like something that was getting everyone's attention in here"

Mac turned slightly and gently laid her hand on Will's arm…. "Just forget it – he's not worth causing a scene over..."

"I was talking to Mac – this is between me and her – our personal lives" Brian said calmly winding Will up more than he could ever imagine with that one simple sentence…

Mac could hardly believe her ears - she took a step towards Brian glaring at him…. "We don't have a personal life Brian" Mac spat quickly glancing at Will - her eyes pleading with him to believe her….

"Ok – our personal lives until you fucked everything up by sleeping with him..." Brian answered quiet enough for Will & Mac to hear but not for everyone else…

Mac had been doing her best to keep things quiet – to keep from making a scene but she could feel the anger rising up within her… "What the hell's the matter with you? You douche bag... Let's get this clear for the final time" she said her voice getting louder and shakier by the second… "I cheated on WILL with you… you hear that? I cheated on WILL not you…"

"And you weren't flirting with me again in the bar the other night?" Brian questioned raising his eyebrow and looking at Will...

Mac felt tears of frustration spring to her eyes and for a brief moment she didn't care who was looking or listening… "No... You lying bastard – you know I wasn't" She span around to Will to see a blank look on his face – worryingly, she couldn't tell what was going through his head…. "Will you have to believe me" Mac whispered desperate for him to believe her but knowing he had no reason to trust her what-so-ever…. "Will? It wasn't like that..."

Will nodded slowly before laying a hand on her trembling arm… "Shhh… I know - It's ok..." Something made him believe her – he wasn't sure what but he had no doubts what so ever... He turned his attention to Brian... "I think you should go..." Will said calmly...

Brian laughed shaking his head at the same time... "You're pathetic... both of you... You – you think you're so above it all but failing miserably - abandoning your principles for your invisible friends and making her follow you lead" he said to Will before turning his attention to Mac... "And you – hanging around thinking he's going to take you back... He doesn't want you Mac... but you know what? you deserve each other"...

Will turned and looked across at the man he had always dis-liked and once again cursed himself for being such an idiot and bringing him here…. "Get out" Will said for the second time in an hour - his face just inches from Brian's and trying with all his might to remain calm…. "You've got enough to write your article... Just get out and write the truth Brian... Just write the truth"...

"You know what? Fuck you… Fuck both of you.." Brian replied with a sneer on his face...

"Get the fuck out of here before I do something I regret" Will replied – anger etched into every feature on his face... "And you write one word about Mac that's not about Newsnight and I swear I'll..."

"You'll what?"

Brian let out a sarcastic laugh and took a look around at the stares he was receiving from the rest of the team... Mac noticed his face flush and knew from old he was getting wound up – this had disaster written all over it - they both had quick tempers and both dis-liked each other immensely – mainly due to her actions... Brian shook his head slightly and laughed again as he stared at Mac...

"I said get out"... Will repeated quietly again – his voice sounding a lot calmer than he felt...

"With pleasure... the sex was good while it lasted sweetheart – shame you got a conscience in the end!"... Brian winked at Mac - his face turning into a smirk knowing it would have hit Will right where it would hurt...

Will felt a wave of anger surge through him and before he knew it his fist smashed into the side of Brian's face knocking him off his feet.

"Will " Mac shouted as she took a couple of steps back... He heard the gasps ring around the office and then heard the silence and finally he looked at the sea of shocked faces before he suddenly realised how much his knuckles hurt. For a brief moment he thought Brian was going to hit him straight back as he struggled to his feet but instead he watched as Brian grabbed his bag and notepad and stormed from the Newsroom towards the elevators.

Will turned to Mac but she was gone – he saw her frame disappear into her office – her door slamming behind her.

* * *

Mac headed straight into her bathroom and locked the door as soon as she made it into her office... she had a feeling Will would follow her and right now she didn't want to see him. She leant over the sink and splashed her face with cold water and for a moment the cool water made her feel a bit better. Secretly she had to admit she quite liked the idea of Will coming to her aid and the fact that Brian was gone for good but the thing that troubled her was she no idea what the hell was going on inside his head. They had always been so good together - both at work and home - and a lot of that was helped by the fact they could read each other with just a glance or a small nod – any simple gesture like that- but now – now Mac had absolutely no idea what he would do next.

As she was patting her face dry with a towel she heard a soft knock at the door... She ignored it but another knock soon followed... he wouldn't give up – she knew that much...

"Come out Mac" was the muffled shout from behind the door...

Shaking her head to herself in the mirror she un-locked the door to see Will sitting on the edge of her desk almost grinning... "Feel better for that macho man?"

Will smiled again and examined his red knuckles... "Yeah – I do actually... don't you?"...

"Not really - no" Mac lied... "Will – you can't just go around punching people"...

"Come on – he's been asking for that all week"...

"Then why in god's name did you bring him in here in the first place?" she replied her voice getting louder... "You've given him the perfect story to write about now"...

"I told you – he's never gonna write a tell all Mac – he needs to be seen as a heavyweight again... he needs this article as much as we do – probably more..."

"Will – I don't know what's happening with you latley... what's going on inside that head of yours?...

I have co-operated with and been the engine behind an instant dis-mantling of everything we've built and everything we stand for. I've ignored serious stories so we can get down in the gutter with the Casey Anthony circus and the Anthony Weaner distraction and I've done it all while Brian's been standing over my shoulder because you put him there. And then you pass on the debate because that guy insulted me?"

Who are you? I don't know where your head is at any given moment?"... Mac took a breath before carrying on "I am this close to losing it" she said indicating how close with her fingers... "I think I have... I think it's happening right now"...

Will almost found her angry outburst amusing but there was no way he was admitting that now – not while she was in this mood. She had no idea how adorable she looked at that moment with her arms flailing around and her face turning redder by the second... He'd always been able to stop her rants with a kiss or a cuddle but right now that wasn't a path he could take...

"Settle down" Will said trying to calm her down but not with much luck!

"I will not settle down" she shouted even louder before realising what was happening and calming down a little... "I should though... I should settle down" she said rubbing her eyes slightly...

"Remember your first day here? The BP spill?" Will questioned... "Remember when I said 'throw out the rundown'?"

"yeah" Mac replied nodding at the same time...

Will grinned remembering the look on her face that day... "Did you think that was... cool?"

"yeah" Mac replied again...

"Throw out the rundown!" Will smiled as he said it – it actually made him feel better than he had for weeks at work – maybe even better than punching Brian a couple of minutes ago...

"Really?" Mac questioned – a huge smile spreading across his face... "Are you sure about this?"

Will shook his head slightly... "No... not really – but I won't let the show go on like this Mac... throw out the rundown! We'll lead with the debt ceiling... I'll talk to Sloane..."

Mac wanted to hug him – really hug him but instead she settled with grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly... "Thank you" she whispered thrilling him with one of her special smiles... As she pulled her hand away she noticed his knuckles and how red they were... "You ok?"

Will nodded but didn't say anything... For a moment it was quiet while they gazed at each other – it was the closest they'd been in weeks since the Bin Laden broadcast and the dreaded voicemail message and both couldn't miss the connection between them...

"You shouldn't have punched him" Mac whispered softly breaking the gaze...

Again Will nodded but didn't say anything... Mac smiled and let out the breath she'd been holding... "But thank you for getting rid of him" she added letting out a slight giggle...

"It must have made you feel a little bit good?" Will asked quietly with a cheeky glint in his eye...

"Ok... maybe... but shhh – don't tell anyone" she giggled again...

"I really am sorry for bringing him here" Will said with a look of sincerity in his eye... "I just wasn't thinking straight" he added...

"Let's forget it eh?" Mac replied... "I'm just worried what he'll do now"

"I'll call him after the show" Will answered... "Apologise for the punch... I'll grovel, tell him I'm an idiot and say he's got the job still"...

"You think it will work" Mac asked, concern engraved on her face...

"He needs this Mac... it'll be ok"...

"Ok" she replied simply accepting his answer as she walked towards the office door...

"You need to get changed Mr – we're on air in half an hour and I need to give this lot the good news!"

"Good news?" Will questioned as he made his way over to her...

"Yup... number one that we're leading with the debt ceiling and number two that you're buying them all a few drinks and a couple of trays of tuna jerky after work to say sorry for the crap we've put them through lately!"

"I am?" he questioned with a resigned look in his eye...

"You are" Mac replied instantly... "And what's more – there might even be a 'I'm sorry' speech from you too!"

Will laughed and held the door open for Mac "sounds fair enough to me" he replied as he watched Mac stride towards their team.

He stood and watched as he heard her deliver the good news and smiled at the cheers and clapping that echoed round the room after. She looked across and winked and smiled at him melting him a little more as she did – she really did have no idea what she did to him inside at moments like this and yet again Will felt a stab of regret wash over him. Would he ever be able to feel like he could forgive her as Dr Habib advised so much... or even feel like he could tell her just how much he loved her - sadly he couldn't see it happening.

He shook his head and headed towards his office. Hiding your feelings isn't the easy way out but sometimes it's all you can do.

* * *

**A/N - Thanks for all the lovely replies so far... Hope you enjoy this chapter - I'll be honest - I've really struggled writing this chapter but here it is... think it's the best I can do! And those that know me know how much I hate Brian! Not sure if the punch works or not but I feel better about it now! Also, ****couldn't resist Mac's little speech at the end there! lol...**

**Katy**

**x**


	12. Chapter 12

Mackenzie sat beside Will's hospital bed and carefully reached for his hand – the last thing she wanted to do was disturb him but she couldn't bear to sit there, watching him, and not touch him any longer. He looked so lost and so forlorn laying there and it was as much as she could do to stop herself taking him in her arms and holding him – forever – if she got her way. As gently as she could she entwined her fingers with his and closed her eyes relishing the feelings of warmth and comfort his hand could bring to her.

The past couple of weeks had not been good at work for the whole team and Mac was struggling to hold her team together – morale was pretty near rock bottom and the fact that they watched their leader slide further and further into depression over the last two weeks hadn't helped. The weeks that had followed after Will had gotten rid of Brian were ok – good even - things had picked up as far as the show was concerned but soon enough the damned article had been published and that's when things had taken a turn for the worse.

Mac realised, and she knew Will realised, a lot of the problems had been brought on by Will's own actions but that didn't concern her much with him in this state. Mac still couldn't understand his reasons for bringing Brian back into their lives and she doubted she ever would but he had and that was just another thing she had to deal with – that they had to get over somehow. However, Brian Brenner was well and truly behind them now even though the fall-out from his magazine article was still in full swing.

Since its publication Will had been slipping further and further away from Mac. It's not like she didn't realise what was happening with him - it wasn't that at all - she simply didn't know how to deal with him.

Will McAvoy was a complex character and very few people knew how to handle him. Mac used to be able to know just what to do but so much had changed over the past four years and she was simply too scared to try any of the old tactics in case it made things between them even worse. She had tried time and time again over the past couple of weeks to pick him up, to talk to him but he had shut down more each day – convinced the whole media world was laughing at him – The Greater Fool.

When she found out yesterday that he'd been taking anti-depressants Mac was utterly devastated. The fact Lonnie had seemed to know all about it had upset her beyond belief and it made her realise just how distant they had become - personally - over the past two months. She had always been the one he'd turned to before and Mac felt stupid thinking that she was still the one he'd confide in – how wrong could she have been she thought to herself.

Looking up at Will sleeping peacefully Mac felt tears spring to the back of her eyes – she couldn't stop thinking that something worse could have happened if she and Lonny hadn't got there in time. The sight of him lying on his bathroom floor covered in blood scared the crap out of her and also set as a reminder just how much he meant to her however much she tried to deny it. She stroked the back of his hand gently and dropped the softest of kisses on his knuckles.

"Wake up you idiot" she whispered, wiping away a solitary tear that had rolled down her cheek... "Please Billy..." she added before letting her head drop so it rested on the bed next to his arm.

She was exhausted... she had been sitting by his bedside for over fifteen hours now and still he was just sleeping. She'd been instructed by the nurses and Charlie to go home for some rest but there was no way she was moving. Mac had been in this position when she was stabbed – there was nothing scarier than to wake up in a hospital bed alone and not see a friendly face – someone that cares for you - sitting there waiting with a smile when you woke up. There was absolutely no way she was moving from his bedside until he opened his eyes at the very least.

With her head still rested on the bed and her hand still tightly wrapped around his Mac allowed herself to slip off to sleep praying that he'd be awake any time soon.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Will opened his eyes for the first time in eighteen hours and couldn't figure out where the hell he was... His eyes felt heavy so he let them flutter shut again but they soon sprang open when it all came back to him... the vomiting... the blood... the feeling feint and then…. feeling nothing.

Where the hell was he? As his eyes opened again he looked around and realised instantly where he was. He had always had an irrational fear of hospitals and for a moment he started to panic a little inside. Then he felt a hand holding his and instantly he felt a little more relaxed as the hand started to stroke his gently. Will didn't need to look to see who the hand belonged to – he could tell just by the feeling of her fingers laced through his – it could only be Mackenzie – no other hand had ever affected him like hers did….

He glanced towards her and couldn't help but notice the worry etched into her features even in his sleepy haze…

"Billy... you're awake" she said so quietly that Will could only just hear her...

"Hey" Will whispered back his mouth so dry that his tongue almost stuck to the roof of his mouth...

Mac noticed straight away and gently pulled her hand from his to reach for some water… As he watched her pour the cool liquid into a glass he tried not to show the disappointment her taking her hand away had caused. Mac leant over the bed and held the plastic glass to his lips….

"Take it easy"… she whispered as Will slowly leant his head forward and took a sip….

"How you feeling?" she added a moment later, her voice a little louder this time...

Will nodded slightly and did his best to smile at the tired eyes looking at him hopefully... "Sore... but ok – I think…."

Will watched as a genuine smile spread across her face... she looked exhausted and she looked worried as hell but Will was so very thankful she was there with him. As he watched Mac set the glass back down on the table next to his bed he briefly wondered why she was there... after all this time and the way he'd treated her recently she was still there – caring for him – holding his hand and frankly it amazed him – she really was the most amazing woman.

As Mac sat down again she let out a little sigh and Will couldn't help but notice how withdrawn she looked - she obviously had no idea what to say to him which disappointed Will – they'd never been stuck for words with each other – not ever.

"You look tired" Will said a moment later trying to make conversation as she tucked her legs underneath her in her seat – she looked like she was settling in for a while…

Mac laughed under her breath and smiled… "I'm ok - I've slept in worst places…

Will nodded, fully aware she was talking about her time spent reporting in war zones but also fully aware she didn't like to talk about it too much – something he hoped to change in the future. He watched as she wrapped her arms tightly around her chest and smiled timidly... "I just didn't want you to wake up here all alone... so I stayed"…

It was moments like this when her simple words or gestures tore through his body and reached straight for his heart... More than anything right now Will wanted to reach forward and hold her – hold her until someone or something dragged them apart but of course he couldn't so instead he mumbled a quiet thanks and smiled as best he could...

"You've been sleeping for eighteen hours... you needed it though"...

Will nodded again – not really knowing what else to do - and then for the first time he took a look at all the machines and tubes around him... "What happened?" Will asked quietly, the lost and forlorn face clearly back on view as his frightened eyes met Mac's worried eyes….

Mac jumped out of her chair straight away which startled Will a little… "I'll go find a Doctor" she said as she turned away but Will moved fast and managed to grab her wrist and held it tight….

"Mac - I don't want to see a Doctor - please – they freak me out... You tell me"….

Mac closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath…. Will had always had a fear of doctors and hospitals ever since she'd known him - he'd suffer with anything rather than pay a visit to a Doctor. Mac had tried time and time again to get to the bottom of this irrational fear with him but had never managed it…. "You have a bleeding ulcer basically" she whispered as she wriggled her hand free from his and walked round the other side of the bed, smoothing down the blanket as she went. Will closed his eyes as if he knew what was coming next…. "An ulcer aggravated by whisky, pain-killers and too many anti-depressants"….

Will couldn't miss how she'd almost spat the last few words out – he could tell, just by her words, she was disappointed with him but then again he couldn't blame her – he was disappointed in himself if he was honest. Neither said anything for a few moments…. Mac was struggling to hold in the feelings of hurt and anger again and Will was – well – Will was just blank…. His face showed nothing – no recognition – no emotion – nothing…. Mac could feel the upset and fury welling up inside of her…

"Why did you do it Will? Self-medicating anti-depressants?"

Will didn't reply – he couldn't reply – he simply couldn't think of anything to say to explain himself... How could he tell her ? How could he tell the woman he loved that he was miserable, lonely, rejected, betrayed and a lot of it because of her so instead of trying to sort out his feelings he'd taken tablet after tablet to ease the pain. It was a coward's way of dealing with things and Will knew it….

For a moment he closed his eyes just to shut out the look on her face but he soon opened them as he heard her voice again...

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Apparently yes" Will mumbled – half under his breath but still loud enough for Mac to hear...

"You're an idiot you know that?"

"So you tell me often enough" Will replied sarcastically rolling his eyes...

"Now's not the time for smart comments Will – I've been sat here for nearly twenty hours worrying about you – why did you take them?"...

"I didn't do it on purpose" Will muttered after a few seconds of Mac staring at him….

"What the tablets just jumped out of the bottle into your mouth?" Mac replied instantly, her voice laced with anger or sarcasm – Will couldn't decide which….

Will didn't reply… he shook his head and closed his eyes now wishing he'd stayed asleep – if he was still asleep she'd still be holding his hand and that would be just perfect as far as he was concerned.

Mac sat on the edge of his bed - it was impossible for her to stay cross with him for too long with him looking this dejected. She sighed loudly and for a moment she was tempted to reach for his hand again but just as she moved her hand the door opened and a nurse walked in. Mac noticed Will tense up immediately and her heart told her to stay but for once Mac listened to her head and decided it would be best to leave him alone for a while. She'd heard in great detail over the past day what was wrong with him and the last thing she needed was to hear it all again. She pulled herself of the bed and grabbed her bag – some fresh air and a very strong coffee was needed in the hope it would help clear her head.

"I'm going to call Charlie – let him know you're ok – he's been worried about you"... she said as she took a few steps away from him...

"Are you coming back?" Will asked quietly – looking so vulnerable and almost childlike as he asked the question...

Before Mac had a chance to say anything the nurse who was replacing his drip interrupted... "She hasn't left your bedside yet Sir – even though she should maybe be resting herself!"

Mac got what the nurse was trying to say but she didn't appreciate her telling Will she'd been here all the time... "I didn't want him here alone"... Mac half heartedly replied... why she felt the need to explain herself to the nurse she had no idea but she did. Will looked at the slightly embarrassed look on Mackenzie's face as she smiled back at him... "I'll be back soon".

Will nodded and leant his head back against the pillows and felt somehow warmed inside by the fact she was there – even if she was giving him a hard time. As far as Will was concerned it was like the classic line – he'd rather be miserable with her there than miserable without her there.

* * *

Mac spent the next ten minutes or so on the phone to Charlie relaying all her worries about Will... Charlie was the only one Mac felt she could ever turn to when it came to Will - he was the only other person that understood Will and it was no secret Charlie loved him like the son he'd never had. Much to Mac's relief, Charlie had promised to leave the office and come to the hospital straight away to talk some sense into Will. Honestly? Mac couldn't wait for him to arrive.

When she walked back into Will's hospital room twenty minutes later Mac found him sat up in bed reading looking even more miserable than when she had left him half an hour ago. Her spirits dropped once again but she wasn't going to let Will see that... She forced a smile on her face as he looked up at her...

"What did the nurse say?" Mac asked as she set her coffee down on the table...

"That I'll live" Will replied sarcastically...

"Well, that's good to hear!" Mac replied cheerfully – determined to keep things as 'happy' as she could. But as she slipped her bag off her shoulder, Mac noticed he was reading the damn New Yorker magazine article once again... She grabbed it out of his hand and instantly threw it in the bin...

"Hey... I was reading that" Will snapped…

"Not any more you're not – you've read it enough" Mac answered with a look that said a lot more than her words did... "It's not good for you" she added as she crossed her arms across her chest in an odd act of defiance...

"Mac – I'm not in the mood for this - stop fucking around and give it back to me" Will replied. His tone was sharp and on most days Mac would give into him but she had just about had enough – she felt like getting every single copy of the bloody magazine and burning them all – anything to get his mind away from the article...

"NO WILL – ENOUGH" Mac shouted her face just inches from his but she instantly regretted shouting the moment she heard his sigh and saw the disconsolate look that slowly spread across his face. She cursed herself for being so weak when it came to him…. A moment later Mac pulled back from him and leant against the side of his bed…"Look – You have to get over it Will… It's just a magazine article…. There's worse thing that could happen"

"Have you read it?"

"Of course I've bloody read it" Mac answered quietly… "I read it, realised it was total bull-shit and instantly pushed it out of my mind - which is exactly what you should do…"

"Easy for you to say" Will replied running a hand through his hair... "You're not the one he's ridiculing…"

"He's not ridiculing..."

"The Greater Fool" Will announced cutting her off... "One CNN announcer remarked it's as if McAvoy is unaware of how ridiculous he looks doing what he thinks passes as a Murrow impersonation... A senior VP at parent company AWN laughed as he said 'Will wants to change the world and hates that the world has changed'..."

"Oh my god... you know it by heart" Mac said dolefully... "OK – Will - listen to me…. you have to stop being so sad about this"…..

"I'm not sad about it" Will lied...

"Uh-huh? That's why you suddenly took anti-depressants..."

Will looked away – tempted to carry on with his quoting of the magazine but seeing that Mac was starting to get more than a little wound up...

"Will... It's crap… You know that, I know that – everyone at ACN knows it… it's just bad press – you've had it before"….

"It's different this time" Will muttered…

"How?" Mac asked her head tilted slightly to the side…. "What's so different about this?"

"He's right…" Will answered simply and shook his head slightly… "He's right Mac – everything he said in that article is fucking right"…..

"Bullshit" Mac stated simply looking him straight in the eye.…. "Absolute Bullshit"

"Mac…."

"Don't be so bloody stupid" Mac shouted cutting him off completely….. She was starting to lose patience with him completely... "That's a pathetic answer Will"...

"You don't understand…. The Greater Fool…" was all Will could muster...

"Then make me understand… why is it different?" Mac replied a little calmer than before but still with a raised voice... "You're doing it again Billy – you're worrying about the people you don't need to worry about – who cares what Brenner thinks? What all these other people he quotes think? They're not worth it – none of them"...

"The Greater Fool" Will repeated…

"Why don't you worry about the people that care about you, the people that respect you? Your friends, your team?. You have an amazing team of people at News Night – they're desperate for you to be 'you' again…. Worry about them – what they think about you right now… Worry about what Charlie thinks... Worry about Me – what I think..."

Will's face softened as he noticed how quietly she'd added the 'Me' at the end of her speech. He was about to reply but instead closed his eyes and leant his head back against the pillow – there was no point - he wasn't going to win this one with her... As much as he explained it she wouldn't understand – she was just different to him when it came to this kind of thing – she was way too optimistic in life and he was the complete opposite. It didn't help Will that he realised she was probably right too – but of course – Will being Will he couldn't admit that...

"You should get back to work" he whispered half hoping she'd leave but mostly praying she'd stay...

"Jim's covering – he's fine" Mac replied simply as she sat back down in her chair. Will dropped his head back against the pillows and closed his eyes…. Mac could hardly believe the figure sat before her – he looked lost, a beaten man - she was struggling to come up with any words at all to help – to knock some sense into him. This wasn't the Will McAvoy she knew – the Will McAvoy she worked with each day. Mac truly believed she really had never seen him this down before – apart from of course four years ago when she'd broken his heart.

Ignoring the thoughts of four years ago that raced through her mind Mac leant forward and gently reached for his hand – she didn't care what he thought or how he reacted about it she wanted comfort – or rather she needed comfort. Once again she laced her fingers through his expecting him to pull his hand away any moment but, to her surprise, he didn't – in-fact he squeezed her hand and gripped a little tighter encouraging Mac to carry on with her pep talk...

"Will – please... you have to let this go – you have to forget it before it ruins you... ruins the show – ruins everything we've worked for over the past year..."

Will swallowed – tempted to tell her he really didn't want the show anymore but not really having the heart to hurt her anymore... Instead he nodded his head and attempted a smile wanting to bring this conversation to an end. Mac seemed to understand his un-spoken wish and said no more. He watched for a few moments as Mac stared at their hands joined together before she slowly looked up into his eyes...

"You really scared me yesterday Billy" she whispered after a while, her voice low and raw with emotion and her eyes filling with watery tears... Her thumb lazily stroked backwards and forwards against his hand and Will was certain she didn't even realise she was doing it – she seemed to be almost in a trance... "You were just lying on the floor like you were... I... I thought something bad had happened when we found..."

Mac didn't manage to finish her sentence as a sob caught in her throat and stopped her words instantly... Will sighed as another sob followed – he felt dreadful – as bad as he was feeling he hated to see her like this. Even though his mind was in turmoil he couldn't get over this need he had inside of him to protect her – to comfort her when she was hurting...

"I didn't do it on purpose – I promise" he softly replied gently tugging at her hand pulling her a little closer towards him... She didn't smile though – she didn't seem to even acknowledge he'd spoken… "It's gonna be alright Kenz" he added using the pet name he always used to call her for the first time in four years... "I'll talk to Dr Habib about it – I promise"...

The use of the name shocked Mac and instantly a small smile lit up her sad face - she hadn't heard him call her that in so long and the way he said it with so much concern in his eyes stopped her tears and made her feel the same comfort holding his hand bought... She let out a sound which Will wasn't too certain whether it was a sob or a laugh but to his relief her smile spread all the way across her face as she squeezed his hand again...

"You're a bloody idiot – you know that?" she laughed, wiping away a solitary tear that had snuck out of her right eye... A moment later, Will gently wiped away a second tear with his thumb and smiled just as the door to his room burst open and in walked Charlie - his booming voice separating Will and Mackenzie in an instant...

"Ahhh – Sleeping Beauty is finally awake"….

Will and Mac looked at each other – both missing the feel of their hands joined together immediately but Mac, in-particular, was delighted to see Charlie….

"Right, Enough of this moping around McAvoy – it's time to get you back on your feet!"


	13. Chapter 13

And get him back on his feet he did!

Mac thought she knew Will inside out but Charlie Skinner was the real deal – he knew what buttons to press to get Will thinking straight again and he knew exactly how to press them - and boy did Charlie press his buttons that afternoon.

Mac was currently laid out in the hottest bath she could take with a large glass of red wine in one hand and checking her emails on her blackberry with the other. It had been an amazing few days and she was extremely proud of the programme that had aired tonight about Dorothy Cooper and Voter ID. She was exhausted and had hardly slept a wink since she'd found Will eight days ago – this was the first time in a week she'd actually had time to herself to relax but she wasn't complaining – things were looking up as far as Mackenzie was concerned. The events of the past eight days had rushed by in such a haze that she was still struggling to take it all in but she was happy – a lot happier than she'd been in a long time. To Mac – there were really only two things in life that could make her truly happy – her work and a certain news anchor – and things were certainly on the up with both!

Charlie had worked a minor miracle with Will in the hospital – he'd managed to introduce Will to a nurse with an elderly aunt who couldn't vote and that's all it had taken to get his journalistic juices flowing again. Add that to the fact that due to a very odd conversation about voice mails with Will they'd managed to finally find some actual proof that Reece was up to his neck in trouble regarding phone hacking. They'd sat down with Leona & Reece and sorted everything. Ok – they may not have been totally candid in what they'd done in that meeting but they'd got the result they so desperately wanted and needed. Will's job was one hundred per-cent safe and they could get back to the show they so badly wanted to put on – no more ratings worries and no more 'Casey Anthony' saga's to cover.

The days that followed Will's release from hospital at work had been truly fantastic. The whole team were together again with Will firmly in place as their leader. He seemed happier than he had been in weeks – his mind was finally off the New Yorker magazine article and instead he was channelling all his energies into the show - it was almost as if he had a new lease of life.

The only down point – if you could it that – was the fact Will still refused to tell Mac what the rest of the mystery message said. He'd claimed, in the hospital, to have left her a voice mail on the night of the Bin Laden broadcast which Charlie and Will soon figured out Reece and his gang of cohorts had deleted. With the excitement of preparing the broadcast Mac really hadn't given it a second thought but now she couldn't get it out of her mind. She had even interrupted the broadcast to try and get him to admit what she thought it said but he was keeping quiet. She had tried numerous times that night to get him to answer her question but when Will made his mind up about something – it was pretty certain his mind would stay made up and not a lot could change it!

Mac wasn't silly though – she had a rough idea what the message said – if she was honest – she hadn't stopped thinking about it ever since the realisation had hit her in the middle of their programme but she wasn't telling Will that. Everything suddenly made sense to her – all her thoughts that had been so hazy over the past three months were crystal clear. Whatever he said on the message must have been about them – as a couple – maybe trying again or something like that... Why else would they go from being so close on the day of the anniversary party to rows and cold shoulders the very next day. He must have said something and then thought that she was just ignoring him – maybe he thought she didn't feel the same way? That thought made Mac's blood turn cold but she pushed it straight out of her head - there would be no negative thoughts - not tonight.

As much as she was trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing the not knowing was secretly driving Mac crazy. She'd only left him two hours earlier and already she'd sent him three texts, two emails and rung him four times. She giggled to herself with thoughts of what Will was probably thinking about it all as she let the hot water relax her tired muscles.. When she'd rung him just before she'd got in the bath she could tell he was starting to lose patience with her! She'd even got desperate and asked him over for a late night Chinese take away knowing that was his favourite but still he had turned her down – he probably knew he would be in for a night of questioning if he had come on over so Mac couldn't really blame him.

As frustrating as it was it wasn't really concerning Mac that night though– maybe the wine was helping to take the edge of it but deep down Mackenzie knew Will well enough. He was coming around and even this week they'd gotten back to the way they were earlier in the year. It would all happen soon enough – she would somehow get the details out of him. When they were together he had always told her she was crafty when it came to him and she would use every ounce of craftiness she had until she got him to admit his feelings. And he would – Mackenzie was certain of it.

The truth of the matter was she has waited four long years for another try with him – she could easily wait a little longer. That wouldn't stop her hassling him though in the meantime.

Mac giggled to herself again and started to type out her fourth text of the evening to him

* * *

Across town Will sat on his sofa flicking through the news channels but nothing was holding his attention - nothing that was apart from the constant texts and emails he was receiving from Mackenzie. He chuckled at the latest one that came into him – it was just a row of question marks and then the words "Tell me". She never had been one to drop something once she had set her mind to finding out the answer - it was just one of the many things he adored about her.

Will smiled to himself and took a slow sip of his whisky – he couldn't hide it – he was feeling great, in-fact better than he'd felt in months – he had a new spring in his step and was – well hopeful was the word - hopeful of what the future would bring. He simply couldn't put into words how elated he'd felt when he'd realised a few days ago Mackenzie hadn't got the voicemail from him. It was almost like someone had lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders and this was making him feel ten feet tall. In his mind over the past three months he had come up with every reason under the sun as to why she had rejected him – why she had turned down his offer of trying again but never, in his wildest dreams did he think she simply hadn't got the message.

There had been times over the past week where he'd cursed his own damn stupidity for a) ever leaving the message in the first place – who really leaves important things like that on a voicemail? And b) the stupid option he gave her of ignoring him. Stupid, stupid, stupid he told himself hundreds of times these past seven days. However, all was not lost. He was going to do something about it – he just didn't know what yet and that was frustrating the hell out of him. Whatever was to happen he needed it to be perfect - there was absolutely no way on earth he was fucking this up again.

Will leant his head back on the sofa and sighed at his usual inadequacies to be able to just do something about a situation. He could when it came to work so why the hell couldn't he when it came to his personal life. More than anything tonight, he cursed himself for not simply kissing her earlier that night…. He was so close to it when she had told him about North Western – he had even found his hands were half way to her cup her face but then he opened his mouth and that was it. Stupid mouth coming before actions yet again and he wished now, more than anything, that he'd just kissed her.

All these sessions with Dr Habib were clouding his mind now – he'd been twice since his hospital stay and all the talk about forgiveness was confusing his brain when Will wasn't even sure now that he needed to forgive - or maybe he had already forgiven her? He simply didn't know.

In his own mind he was pretty convinced he had forgiven her already. How? he had no idea how he had but he was convinced that time had just played it's part or maybe it was a case of the past simply wasn't important to Will anymore. So, if that was the case what the hell was stopping him getting of his backside right now and going to tell her he loved her? It wasn't even a case of did she feel the same way? He knew without a doubt she did – she might be good at a lot of things but good at hiding her feelings weren't top of Mackenzie's list of talents and he knew she loved him.

He also knew in return he loved her and he knew he wanted the whole deal with her…. He wanted the rest of their lives to be spent together, he wanted her as his wife, the mother of his children (if she was up for that too), he wanted a family home together with little a little boy to play baseball with and a little girl who would be the spitting image of her mother. To put it simply, he wanted the whole Mackenzie/happy ever after package.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted a moment later by his blackberry ringing… He didn't even bother to look at the screen as a smile crossed his face – it could only be one person and he was going to take action – now before he changed his mind… He picked up the phone and pressed the little green button…

"Hey Mac – listen…. We need to talk…. but not now – not over the phone" he blurted out before she could even say a word….

"You could leave a voicemail – oh no wait – that didn't work last time" came the reply but, to his surprise, it wasn't Mac's voice…

Shocked, Will took a lightening look at the screen then quickly bought the phone back to his ear… "Charlie" he said sheepishly…. "I thought you were Mac"…..

"Funnily enough that's why I was ringing you"

"About Mac?" Will questioned? Suddenly he felt a slight panic inside of him – had something happened to her?…. "She's ok isn't she?" Will asked not even bothering to hide the worry in his voice…

"She's fine as far as I'm aware… Apart from she has this jerk that's crazy about her but won't be honest with her"….

Will smiled at the old man down the phone… It seemed like he was on his 'Will and Mackenzie' mission again…..

"I'm working on it" Will replied….

"Working on it? You know how old you are? You don't have all that much time to work on it too long!"

"Yes – thanks for the reminder about my age – you don't think I know I'm too old for her?" Will answered smartly, picking up his glass of whisky and taking a sip…

"You better not be drinking" Charlie almost shouted down the phone…

"Why the hell not?" Will asked surprised at Charlie's tone….

"Because you don't want to be smelling of whisky when you kiss her later"

"When I kiss her?"

"yeah… Ladies don't like that you know!"

Will chuckled "I'll bear that in mind"….

"What are you waiting for Son? That woman is crazy about you – I have no idea why but she is - god bless her…. She sat by your side praying for you in that hospital – you know that? Actually praying….The way she looks at you, the way she's waiting for you to come to your senses… If that's not love what is?"

Will didn't say anything – he knew everything Charlie was saying was right but he allowed himself a little smile – it was nice to hear from someone else that she loved him…

"Go over there – now – sweep her off her feet when she's not expecting it"

Will shook his head and laughed to himself… "I'm hanging up now Charlie"

"You Chicken" Charlie snorted down the phone – it was obvious to Will he'd had quite a lot to drink already….

"Hang on… I'm a Chicken?"

"Yep… first rate yellow chicken"

"Charlie – I'm working on it! I'm going to hang up now – you hear?"

"Before you hang up - let me tell you something young man… You two should be together – everyone on earth can see it…. I'm losing patience watching the pair of you – I swear I'm gonna lock you both in a room and throw away the key if you don't talk to each other soon"

Suddenly the joking tone in Charlie's voice had disappeared and Will could tell he was deadly serious…. "Charlie, I…"

"Will…. It's not going to fall apart this time. Take a chance and enjoy some happiness before you are too old… She's learnt her lesson – you know that…. I know you've had a broken heart but so has she – maybe even more than you because she knows she broke both hearts…. It's not going to happen again"

Will knew Charlie was right – he knew with every fibre of his being that they could make this work – that they could find true happiness… "I know" Will replied simply… "I really am working on it" he added quietly…

Neither said a word for a minute or so – both were lost in their own thoughts but funnily enough Will had stopped thinking about Mac and turned his attention to Charlie…

"Why are you so keen to get us together?" Will questioned his friend…

Charlie didn't say anything at first but Will clearly heard the sound of him pouring himself a drink…

"Charlie?" Will prompted…

"Because I love you like a son William Duncan McAvoy – like the Son I've never had and the last thing a Father wants is to watch a Son making the same mistakes as the Father - You hear me? I don't want you spending the latter years of your life drinking bottle after bottle of whisky just to make the pain go away – the kind of pain and misery that can only be caused by letting the love of your life slip away from you through sheer stupidity and damn pig headedness..."

For a moment Will was stunned – he had no idea what so ever…. He took another sip of his whisky and slowly let what Charlie had said go through his mind…. A moment or two later he realised Charlie was probably waiting for a response from him but he still had no idea what to say…

"Charlie… I had no idea – I thought you were happy with…."

"My wife is a wonderful woman Will – don't get me wrong" Charlie interrupted…. "But sometimes that special someone comes along who is more than wonderful…. A soul mate…. That's not too strong a word to use you understand?"

Will did understand – more than Charlie probably realised…

" Will.. Soul mates don't come along all that often – when you're lucky enough to meet one – don't let them go… Don't settle for wonderful when you can have so much more.. Mackenzie's your Soul Mate Will and you're hers"….

Will closed his eyes clearly shocked by Charlie's words….

"Charlie – I don't know what to say" Will admitted, feeling he should come up with some words of advice or help for his friend…

"You don't need to say anything - just don't make the same mistakes as me - that's all I'm saying. When two people are meant for each other – truly meant for each other – no mistake is too big to forgive, no time apart is too long and no one or nothing can ever tear them apart. You understand?"

Will nodded and whispered a gentle 'yes' into the phone….

"Don't take her for granted that she'll always be there because one day you'll turn around and she'll be gone…. Gone for good."

And with that the phone went dead leaving Will speechless… He sat on the edge of his sofa truly dumbfounded by Charlie's words and for a moment he didn't know what the hell to do. He sat there for what must have been minutes letting the words go over and over in his head and suddenly it hit him - he had to see her – and it had to be now.

He briefly looked at his watch wondering whether it was too late but he didn't care – he jumped up and grabbed his blackberry and wallet and headed for the front door. He had absolutely no idea what the hell he was going to say to her once he arrived at her apartment but one thing he did know - he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life and he wanted the rest of his life to start straight away.


	14. Chapter 14

**Here we are - the part you've been waiting for for 30,000 odd words! Hope you like it - it was harder to write than I thought it would be... :)**

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Thirty minutes later and Mackenzie was absolutely flabbergasted as she peeped through her spy hole to see Will standing the other side of the door. She couldn't help herself as a gasp of excitement escaped her mouth and then another gasp as she felt a series of flutters race around her chest. She quickly pulled back the lock and opened the door…

"Billy! What are you doing here?" she asked, unable to keep a huge smile spreading across her face…

"Chinese" he answered simply as he lifted his arm to show a big bag of Chinese take away food… "I got all your favourites"...

Mac giggled to herself and stepped aside to let him through the door…. "But that was nearly two hours ago – it's too late to eat Chinese now"

"It's never too late to eat Chinese" Will answered as he moved inside her apartment, flashing her a smile as he did...

Mac was trying hard to control the feelings that were racing around her entire body at that moment… She couldn't understand the sudden change of heart about him coming over and then to come un-announced at this time of night was very unlike Will – but - if she was honest– she didn't care one little bit as to why! More than anything Mac hoped that Will couldn't hear how loud her heart was suddenly beating or see the fact that she felt like she was trembling inside… It took every ounce of willpower she had not to reach out to him and take him in her arms – he looked so damn adorable standing there before her.

A few seconds passed and Mac realised she was just staring at him - probably freaking him out with the odd look that must have been plastered on her face but then she realised he was just starting at her too… There was a look in his eye that Mac swore she had seen a long time ago… a look of love, a look of longing – a look she absolutely couldn't get enough off.

Will seemed to come to his senses before Mac and suddenly tore his eyes away and looked down at the bag of food he was holding…

"Well, I... food... suppose... I..." Mac stuttered closing her eyes at her inability to string a sentence together... Will chuckled and flashed her another smile... "Right - Food – yes - let's eat" she managed to get out as she felt her cheeks flush.

Will nodded and followed Mac down the tiny hallway into the lounge/kitchen that made up the majority of her small apartment... Mac fished a couple of plates out of the cupboard and started to take the cartons out of the paper bag... as she did she caught him gazing at her once again – the same look as before was back again but if possible it was even more intense than a minute earlier...

"Hey – you ok?" Mac whispered, impressed at herself for finally forming a sentence - even if it was only three words long...

"You know what – I'm not even hungry" Will murmured under his breath and turned to look around the apartment – at what he didn't know but he knew he couldn't keep gazing at her without saying anything...

Mac giggled before looking from his face to the mountain of food on her kitchen counter... "Will – you've bought enough food to feed a small army and you're not hungry?"

Will met her eyes again and once more words simply failed him – he had absolutely no idea what to say even though he'd been going over it time and time again in the cab on the way over to her apartment. She looked so damn gorgeous standing there in front of him and it was completely muddling his mind. She had on a pair of yoga pants and an oversized Jets t-shirt (that Will was convinced was his once upon a time) and she looked simply adorable... Her face had no make-up and her hair was loosely pulled back in a pony-tail and Will couldn't remember her seeming more beautiful to him than she did at that time.

"Billy?... you ok?"

Will took a deep breath and sighed... why the hell did she have to call him that? Didn't she know he struggled to keep his mind on an even keel every single time she called him Billy – which was becoming more and more often these days...

"Mackenzie... I...?" Now it was Will's turn to attempt to speak but he found he couldn't say anything – she was gazing at him again - Will wasn't sure what the look was but he knew he couldn't stay there another second without holding her or kissing her or even just explaining what the hell he was doing turning up un-announced at nearly midnight. He decided he better start with an explanation….

"Mac... I... Dammit..." he muttered before catching that look of complete and utter hope in Mac's eyes – a look that gave him confidence to carry on…. "Mac... I just really needed to see you... I can't stop thinking about you... about everything that's happened... It's driving me crazy.." Will spluttered a couple of seconds later, relieved to have finally said something...

Mackenzie smiled and stopped her chores with the food...

"Mac - That was really you at North Western" Will asked again…. "I can't believe you were there?"

Although Mac had assured him earlier she understood it must have been a hell of a lot for him to take in and he was right – she should have told him months ago…

"Will,I didn't mean to shock you tonight… but I tried to tell you before – I honestly did then the opportunity never came up again"….

"I can't believe it – you planned this all along… You're crafty Kenz – you know that?!"

"You're not mad at me?" Mac asked – still not sure of what he thought about the whole thing…. Will shook his head and let out a sigh….

"I'm pleased you did it - I might not have been that day but I am now…. You changed everything you know…. As much as I may whinge about it all – I'm grateful Mac – really I am."

Will let out a small chuckle and looked at Mac's enquiring face... "I needed a kick in the ass... it's funny how you could see it all those miles away and I couldn't..."

Mac didn't know what to say so instead she just let the smile that was starting to form on her face spread across her features. With the old thought of 'Actions speak louder than words' running through his mind, Will ever so slowly, took the smallest of steps towards her – his eyes never once leaving hers. Mackenzie hadn't made a move at all yet, which made Will slightly nervous, but the moment Will took another step Mac followed suit and before they knew it they were moulded together in the tightest hug either had felt for a very long time. Will wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her as close as he possibly could relishing the way she could make his heart seem to leave his chest and jump from his stomach to his toes and back up to his chest again in literally two seconds flat. At first he felt Mac's nose nuzzle into his neck but she soon turned her head slightly and rested her head on his chest – just the way she had on Valentine's Day all those months ago.

Will wasn't at all certain just how long they stood there – as still as statues - just holding onto each other as if their lives depended upon it, but he soon felt Mac start to stir in his arms... He was desperate to keep her there but he knew sooner or later he had to explain himself. For a brief moment, as they pulled away slightly, Will was convinced he was going to get cold feet – he couldn't figure out how to start this whole thing off but knew he couldn't put this off any longer – it needed to be sorted tonight before he lost his mind completely. Charlie was right – they'd already spent too much time apart and this needed to be fixed. As if reading his thoughts, Mac let her hands drift down and settle on the top of his arms... She squeezed his arms and softly pressed a tender kiss to his chest. It may not have been much of a kiss but Will thought for a moment his legs might collapse under him.

"Billy... What did the message say?" Mac asked so quietly, almost childlike, before she settled her head back against his chest and hugged him again as tightly as she could... Will felt her sigh rather than heard it and he knew it was time - he wasn't even scared anymore – holding her in her arms seemed to give him all the assurance in the world. He smiled to himself and dropped a kiss onto the top of her head and then lifted her chin up until she was looking into his eyes, very slowly, he gently pushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes and let his fingers trail down her cheek and linger there...

"I said that I still loved you Kenz…. That even after everything that's happened that I've never stopped loving you…. That I wanted us to try again….."

Before the words were even out of his mouth he saw her eyes fill up with tears but for once he could tell they were tears of happiness….

"Will – why the hell didn't you say something the next day? – You can't think I would have said no to you?"

Will shook his head and sighed…. "I stupidly gave you the option of saying no and asked if you didn't want to try again to just ignore me – to let me off the hook gently by pretending it never happened."

For a moment Mac felt sick her stomach – she couldn't believe he'd gone all these months thinking she didn't want to try again – that she didn't love him…. "Billy - surely you know me well enough to know I would have called you back – whatever my answer was – I would never just leave you wondering…"

Will nodded - of course it all made sense to him now but back then… Well Will didn't even want to think about back then. Ever so slowly he bent his head until their lips touched – it was only ever meant to be a tiny tender kiss but once their lips touched it was never going to be tiny. It may have been the first time in four years they had kissed but their bodies instantly remembered everything from the past. They soon moulded to each other and the fireworks that exploded from their head to their toes was almost dreamlike. Will gently tangled his fingers into her hair and bought her even closer to him if that was possible and Mac moved her arms up to drape around his neck and let her fingers gently stroke his hair at the back – she had always loved the feeling of how soft his hair was and there had been many a morning she had woken up, spooned behind him her nose nuzzled in his hair.

The intensity of the kiss wasn't lost on either of them – Mac was kissing him back with such passion and urgency that he couldn't remember a kiss ever feeling this good before – not even from Mac. The small moans that escaped Mac's mouth did nothing to help him slow the kiss down – in fact – the more she moaned the deeper Will kissed her. Before too long, the need to breathe became an issue and Will slowly ended the kiss and buried his head into the crook of Mac's neck... He was struggling to keep all the emotion of the last few minutes inside him as Mac gently placed tender little kisses on the base of his neck and clung to him like never before.

Realising they were still stood in the kitchen Mac pulled away completely and reached for Will's hand - she led him over to the sofa and they both sat down as close to each other as they could possibly get…

"Will..." she began a moment later but Will shushed her immediately by slowly leaning into her and dropping another kiss on her lips... He pulled away so gently that Mac still had her eyes shut when he looked at her and the look of complete happiness and contentment stretched across her face simply took Will's breath away….. When her eyes finally opened she couldn't help let out a little giggle and gently cupped his face in her hands….

"Really? You never stopped?" Mac questioned her eyes wide with anticipation….

"Never... I thought I did but it seems I was just hiding it away"...

"And there's me thinking you were hating me most of the time"….

"Hate you?... Oh come on Mac - I couldn't hate you – ever you hear me?…. I never have and I never will you must know that?

"Well, sometimes I thought you did…. You've been an idiot McAvoy"

"I know and I'm sorry – you have to believe that…. I've just been acting like a jerk around you because it was easier than admitting I loved you and honestly Mac - you have no idea how sorry I am for that... I really am – I'm sorry for everything I've put you through since you've been back…"

"It's ok" she replied simply... "I probably deserved it"...

Will shook his head in defiance... "You didn't... I have no idea why you wait around for me but thank god you did..."

As she let his words sink in Mac was amazed to see he was on the verge of tears - the only time she'd ever seen him cry before was the night he'd poured out his childhood hell with his father and of course her breaking his heart. She slowly leaned in and rested her forehead on his…. "I love you too Billy… I know it took me too long to realise last time but I know now – I promise I won't fuck it up again this time Will"….

Hearing the crack in her voice as she spoke about four years ago made Will sit up straight and take her hand in his… "Look – you know when you said ninety eight per-cent of the blame when you came back? You remember that day in my office?"

Mac nodded and grinned at the memory of that day so many months ago… "How can I forget? That was the day of the email!"

"Well, I should have said that day – it takes two you know that? In everything – it takes two to make something work and it takes two to screw it up… You're not just to blame Kenz... I should have said that before... Hey - how about we split the blame and forget it all - leave it all in the past where it belongs…. I know I've been an idiot these past months and I honestly can't apologise enough…."

Mac smiled but Will could see some sadness in her eyes thinking back to everything that had happened four years ago…. Will slowly bought her hand to his mouth and dropped a tender kiss on her knuckles… "I should have known Mac – I was older – I was the one pushing you too hard - I should have known – I did know somewhere in the back of my mind… I was an idiot and I lost the best thing that ever happened to me….. I don't want to lose you again – not now..."

Mac looked away - she could feel the tears starting to come. She wasn't expecting any of this - this wasn't how the conversation had gone when she'd had it in her mind…. Never did she think Will would be blaming himself for any of this - she was expecting to take one hundred per-cent of the blame for the rest of her life and here he was offering her an olive branch. She looked up at Will and saw he had tears in his eyes too – they really were a pathetic pair at times - they'd both been as miserable as each other for the last few years through pure stubbornness. Her stubbornness to not stay and fix the situation when it first happened and his stubbornness since she'd been back. Without saying another word, she lifted his chin and kissed him as lovingly as she could before searching out his eyes – she needed to see his eyes for what she had to say….

"Billy…. Are you saying you forgive me for everything that happened?... We don't stand a chance of moving on if you haven't forgiven me"…

"I have sweetheart…. I don't know when and I don't know how – I just know that I have…. I realised this evening sitting at home. You know – I think sometimes you just want to get on with life – I know that I want to be with you more than I want to worry about everything that's happened in the past. Mac – I've missed you so much darling… I miss us… I miss us being together like this….. You complete me and you're all I ever wanted Mac - ever - someone who loves me as I am but someone who inspires me to be a better person and you do… every day you do"…..

The words were all becoming too much for Mac… she felt her hand tremble as she tried to wipe away the tears that were rolling down her cheek….

"I've missed you too – so much Will. God, it's been so hard – working with you this year – being so close – right next to me and knowing that it could never be like it was"…

As her words trailed away Mac let herself fall into Will's arms…. she clung to him so tightly and there was no way she was going to let him go – not ever again…. She had well and truly learnt her lesson…

Will allowed the biggest smile ever to spread across his face… as much as he'd dreamed about this recently he'd just heard Mac say she loved and missed him too…. While he was lost in his thoughts he heard a little sigh – he looked up just as Mac leaned in and kissed him again and again - her hands wandering all over his face and through his hair.

After a couple of minutes she stopped again and looked into his eyes…

"Hey – don't stop" Will mumbled between little kisses…

"I just wanna make sure that you're sure - this is what you really want - us together?"

"More than anything darling"

"And you promise you can forget everything that's happened? And we start again with a clean slate?"

"I swear... you have my word…"

"I mean it Will - we have to start afresh…. You can't bring this up again if we have an argument in a couple of months – not ever… It has to be forgotten forever – I couldn't cope if I thought this was going to get thrown back in my face every time we have a row"…

"Hey… It's already forgotten - I promise… I don't know how else to convince you…"

Neither Will or Mac said anything for the next few seconds – both were lost in the moment - hardly letting themselves believe this was finally happening…. As the words left Will's mouth he felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders - the last four years had been filled with unhappiness and so many regrets that Will didn't even want to remember them. And now, here he was with the love of his life in his arms and they'd finally let their barrier's down and admitted their love for each other – it almost seemed too good to be true.

Again Will crushed his lips against Mac's and kissed her with as much love and urgency as he could find in himself… Mac didn't need any encouragement to deepen the kiss this time – she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him back desperate to show him how much she loved him too.

After a couple of minutes Will stood up scooping Mac in his arms as he did – he couldn't stop smiling at the giggles that were coming from Mackenzie at that moment… He placed another kiss on her lips as he slowly walked out of the lounge towards her bedroom wondering, for a moment if he was being too presumptuous but Mac had done nothing but kiss and nip at his neck for the last thirty seconds….

"So – where we going? Chinese or?"

Will didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Mac covered his mouth with hers once again…. Finally she pulled away and whispered seductively in his ear…. "Mmm - bedroom please Mr McAvoy!"

"You sure darling?" Will whispered back as they got to the bedroom door…. "I swore to myself I wouldn't fuck this up… Are you sure we don't need to talk some more or wait?"

"Billy – we've got the rest of our lives to talk and I think we've waited long enough! I love you more than words could possibly express and right now so showing you is the only option left... I want you to make love to me – just like you used to."

Will certainly couldn't turn down an offer like that!

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**A/N - thanks ever so much for the kind replies - they really do make you get on and write some more!**

**Only one more chapter left of this folks!**

**x**


	15. Chapter 15

**The very last bit of this story - I make no apologies for every single word being soppy and fluffy! Enjoy! **

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Mac's eyes opened very slowly the following morning as she felt a trail of soft, tender kisses making their way across her shoulders. For a moment she wondered if she was having that dream again – the one where she got the love of her life back – the one where he told her that he loved her and that they'd live happily ever after. She'd had it so many times over the past four years that she knew the plot inside out but somehow this felt different – this felt so very real – almost like she was awake already. She slowly wriggled over and saw a euphoric looking Will gazing back down at her with the biggest smile ever across his face – she really couldn't remember a time seeing him look happier….

"Good Morning beautiful" he whispered as he kissed her hard on the lips the second her eyes were opened….

Mac hardly knew what to say back – she was struggling to believe that he was actually here with her – in her bed holding her close… It wasn't a dream after all. Will slowly leant down towards her and planted the softest of kisses on her cheek and then her lips and then her forehead and finally again to her lips which honestly left Mac even more speechless than before….

"Hey – you ok?" Will asked – "you worry me when you're quiet!"...

Mac nodded dumbly before launching herself into Will's arms and peppering his face with kisses. A minute or so later, after a long lingering kiss to his lips, she pulled away and cupped Will's face in her hands….

"Will - I can't believe this is happening - I thought I was dreaming just then when I woke up…. It all seems way too good for true - I never thought I could be this happy..."

Will knew what she meant - when he'd opened his eyes an hour or so ago he couldn't believe that he was in Mackenzie's bed – spooning her – their naked bodies pressed so tightly together it was if they were a sculpture carved by an artist and set in marble. They'd spent most of the night making love, talking, talking and talking some more and Will honestly couldn't feel any happier – this is all he ever wanted since he met her all those years ago – this kind of happiness and contentment for both of them.

"It's real darling – I promise…. You're stuck with me forever now" he whispered….

Mac nodded and kissed him once more on the lips…. "mmmm... sounds good... I love you Billy – did I tell you that?"

Will chuckled and lovingly stroked the hair out of Mac's sleepy eyes before dropping another sweet kiss on the tip of her nose… "You might have mentioned that once or twice last night - but hey - feel free to say it again – as many times as you want over the next fifty odd years..."

The fifty years comment wasn't lost on Mac and she had to swallow back the lump that had instantly formed in her throat. As Mac pulled him tighter into her the sound of her stomach rumbling rather interrupted the moment causing them both to laugh...

"hmmm – does that mean I'm making the famous McAvoy pancakes this morning eh?"

Mac smiled – she'd hardly been able to eat a pancake in the last four years as it always reminded her of long lazy weekend breakfasts in bed with Will – for her own sanity she'd given them up pretty soon after they'd split...

"I'd say 'Yes please' but that means I'd have to let you out of bed and I can't do that I'm afraid – not ever!" she replied dreamily...

Will chuckled and leaned in and kissed her again – for some odd reason he couldn't seem to stop kissing her – it was as if he had to catch up on all the lost kisses over the past four years. A moment or two later Will broke the kiss but he didn't move away – they were lying literally nose to nose, wrapped completely in each other's arms... "Oh Mac - this is where I wish we weren't the bosses – I just wanna stay here in bed all day... Can we call in sick?"

Mac giggled and shook her head... "Sounds like a nice idea but we better not"...

"awww – spoilsport" Will murmured as he leaned over and dropped little tender kisses up and down her collarbone... As he did Mac's stomach rumbled again... "Oh dear – I need to feed you don't I?" Will joked pulling his arms from under her and sitting up in bed... "Chef McAvoy is on the case!"

"Well, in my defence your honour, I didn't get to eat any dinner in the end last night and somehow I seemed to get plenty of exercise during the night!"

"Good point!" Will replied as he threw back the covers and went in search of his boxer shorts... "You lay there and I'll get the pancakes going... sound ok?"

"mmmm – sounds perfect" Mac answered as she reclaimed the covers and pulled them up to her chin... "Maybe ten more minutes sleep for me!"...

Will walked around the bottom of the bed and finally found his boxers on the chair next to her bed... He pulled them on and reached for the Jets t-shirt Mac was wearing the night before... "Hey, Sleeping beauty – is this mine?"

Mac opened her eyes and then giggled to herself... "Maybe... I might have stolen it from your closet when we split up!"... She giggled again, shut her eyes again and snuggled back down but not letting the smile disappear from her dreamy face...

Will shook his head and marvelled at how utterly adorable she looked laying there – he really was tempted to call in sick – in his mind it was the only option for the day but he knew Mac would never agree to it – she was even more of a workaholic than he was. He picked up his watch from the bedside table and out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of the old fluffy bear sitting in the chair... "Hey – It's my old buddy Billy the Bear..." He picked him up and looked straight in the bears eyes knowing Mac would be watching him... "How you doing old friend?" he said before sneaking a look over at Mac who was smiling away in bed shaking her head... "Look Mac – it's Billy the bear!."

"Idiot" came the sleepy reply from the bed as Will made his way over and plonked himself down on the edge of the bed...

"He looks well cuddled" Will said gently stroking Mac's hair and placing the bear next to her on her pillow...

"Well, you told me a long time ago that Billy would cheer me up when you were an idiot... you said he was to be a reminder of how much you loved me..."

"Oh Mac" Will whispered sadly, remembering the exact moment he had given her the bear – he had said just that – it all came back clearly in an instant... "Kenz... I'm sorry"...

"Hey - no more 'I'm sorry' – remember? I thought it was a banned phrase?" Mac murmured as she reached for his hand and reminding him of the deal they'd made during the night... "Anyway, Billy the Bear did his job great – he reminded me of happier times when I needed it"...

Mac felt herself blush the second the words were out of her mouth - she had no idea why but for some reason this all just felt a little so surreal to her. Sensing her sudden awkwardness Will snaked his arms around her and pulled her as close as he could and softly kissed her worries away... It wasn't long before Mac felt his tongue slide along her lips begging her to deepen the kiss. Of course she was more than willing to oblige and she slowly parted her lips to allow his soft tongue inside. A small moan escaped his mouth and Mac felt her head start to spin - this kiss was nothing like those they'd shared before - all the others had been absolutely amazing but this one way better - it was truly mind blowing how many feelings could be expressed with just a simple kiss.

Mac pushed him away a minute or so later when her stomach rumbled for a third time...

"Pancakes and coffee – now McAvoy!" she demanded pulling the bear to her chest...

Will stood up smiling but picked the bear up and placed him on the top shelf high above Mac's bed...

"Hey – what you doing" Mac mumbled - her eyes desperate to flicker closed again...

"You won't be needing him anymore – not ever… he can stay there." Will replied with a wink but Mac could see he was deadly serious as he made his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Mac smiled a truly happy smile and let out a little squeal – this was real - he was here with her and it definitely wasn't a dream.

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A couple of hours later, Will sat in the morning meeting at ACN half-listening to Mac go through the stories of the day but he couldn't wipe the goofy grin from his face – he realised he must look like a first rate idiot grinning at absolutely nothing but he simply couldn't care. If he was honest, he had no idea how he was even managing to keep from taking Mac into his office - for an urgent meeting of course - and making love to her in his bathroom right there and then.

Every now and then Mac would catch his eye while someone else was talking and wink or smile and every single time Will's stomach would do a full flip. He forgot where he was for a moment or so and let out a little chuckle at the thought of him acting like a love sick teenager planning his next love making session while he was supposed to be heading up an elite news team….

"Will?"

He looked up to see Mackenzie and the whole team watching him – waiting for an answer to something – god only knew what... Mac smiled knowing exactly what was going through that head of his – she knew that stupid grin far too well. Luckily no one else seemed to be catching on but for how much longer? They had decided, on the way to work, that they were going to try and keep this quiet with the team for as long as possible but Will would be giving it all away soon if he wasn't careful.

Will attempted to wipe the grin of his face and looked up at Mac who was clearly enjoying his moment of awkwardness….

"So you agree?" she asked, coyly tilting her head to the side…

"Yup – absolutely" Will replied confidently - praying that he'd not just agreed to go on air that night naked or something similar….

Mac shook her head with a smile forming on her face… "OK – everyone – let's get going – we'll meet again at four but you know where I am if you need me."

The team got up and filed out of the room while Will stayed seated watching Mac as she gathered her notes together…. After the door closed Mac looked up with her best stern face…. "Have you any idea what you just agreed to Billy?"

Will chuckled "You know it doesn't work – you trying to look all strict then calling me Billy all lovey-dovey!"

Mac tried not to laugh but Will could see the corners of her mouth start to curl as he stood up and made his way across the meeting room and perched himself on the desk as close to Mac as he could…. "I'm hoping I just agreed to cancel the show for the rest of the week so we can go home and make love non-stop for the next five days!"….

Mac looked outside into the office to make sure no one was watching before standing in between Will's legs and resting her hands on his thighs…. "Listen Mr – you need to concentrate... you have to stop acting like a love sick teenager here or else everyone is going to be guessing before the day is over"…

"Can't help it Mac" Will answered simply resting his hands on top of hers... "I don't know how you're staying so focused – all I want to do is kiss you silly" he added squeezing her hands. She was certain for a moment that he was going to kiss her there and then in full view of everyone...

Mac rolled her eyes and pulled her hands away before picking up her notebook and heading towards the door…. She looked over her shoulder and caught his eye…. "Your office now!" She instructed- the stern face back again... "Your wishes might come true" she added quietly with a cheeky glint in her eye and a smile on her face… Will laughed out loud, jumped off the desk and almost skipped after Mac with the goofy grin firmly back on his face.

Mac made her way across the Newsroom and headed straight into Will's office but to her surprise Charlie was sat at the table in the office and that had definitely put pay to their plans. She couldn't help but laugh out loud as she saw the look of disappointment on Will's face when he realised Charlie was there …

"So what's going on with you two then?" Charlie asked with a knowing look on his face which surprised both Will & Mac as neither had said anything to anyone.

"Well, err…. we were about to um… you know…." Mac stuttered looking at Will for inspiration…. She could hardly tell her boss they were coming in here to make out!

"Ahhhh - So you're finally back together then? Thank god!" Charlie stated rather than asking….

Mac watched in surprise as Will strode across the office and literally yanked Charlie up from his seat and pulled into his arms for a manly hug…. When they separated a moment or two later Will stuck out his hand and firmly shook hands with his friend… "Thank you Charlie – for the call last night, for bringing Mac back here... for everything... I owe you one."

Mac looked on in shock but soon enough found her tongue….

"Will – I thought we were going to tell Charlie together?"

"He didn't say a word" Charlie said laying a hand on Will's shoulder…. "I guessed I'm afraid!"

Mac looked confused…. "Guessed? How?"….

Charlie smiled and perched himself on the edge of Will's desk as Mac moved to stand next to Will… "Now – let me see" Charlie started clearly enjoying himself… "Firstly, there's Don Quixote here walking around all morning with a grin so wide across his face and following you around like a little puppy… Then there's you, Dulcinea, with a glint in your eye and a matching grin that I don't believe I've ever seen before… and finally, and the biggest give away my friends - you're wearing the necklace Mackenzie – you wouldn't have that on if you weren't back together again!."

Mac's hand automatically shot to the silver locket that Will had given her years before... she had taken it out of her purse that morning to show Will that she still had it and the moment he had seen it Will took it from her hands and gently hung it around her neck asking for it stay there forever…

"I remember our conversation on Valentines night – do you?" Charlie asked, glancing at Mac...

Mac nodded and reached out her hand to Charlie…. "You said that night you were ok with us being together and working together…. Do you still mean that? Will everyone on the 44th floor be ok with it?"

Charlie took her hand and squeezed it tightly… "You two are the best damn assets this company have… They'll have me to deal with if anyone objects to this you understand?"

Mac nodded before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her boss's cheek….. "Will's right Charlie – Thank you for everything." Mac whispered, on the verge of tears...

"Are you kids happy? You look delirious right now!" Charlie asked as he turned to walk away…..

"She's my soul mate Charlie" Will replied wrapping one arm around Mac's waist…. "Some wise old guy told me to never let your soul mate go when you find her…. Turns out it's the best bit of advice I've ever had".

Charlie smiled as he reached the door and turned the handle…. He looked genuinely happy for both Will and Mac… "I'm pleased for you two – I really am."

"Thank you again" Will added softly as Charlie pulled open the door...

"Just don't screw it up this time you hear me? I can't go through this match making hell again!" he joked as he left the office with a big grin firmly in place.

Mac turned to Will with a very confused look on her face…. "What the hell was that all about? Who's the wise old guy?"

"Well" Will began… "It seems all this time I've been going to Dr Habib for help and all I needed was a drunken pep talk from Charlie last night. He rang me – told me in no un-certain terms not to let you go if I loved you – and - although I'd known that for months I realised he was right so I hot footed it over to your place…. You know the rest..."

"Ahhh..." Mac answered slightly less confused than before - only slightly though!

"So... my question to you, my beautiful Dulcinea, is – can we go home yet?" Will asked jokingly – his eyes full of mischief….

Mac glanced at the clock on the wall – "You can go home in exactly 9 hours and 32 minutes – until then work to do! And what's with the Dulcinea all of a sudden?"

Will pulled her to his side and rested his hands on her hip… "Do you know who Dulcinea was to Quixote?"

"Here we go with the Quixote quotes" Mac sighed…. "We'll be onto musicals before the day is out – I don't think I can stand the thought!"

Mac started to walk away but Will wasn't letting her go – not yet…. "Hey – you were the one that started all the Don Quixote stuff remember?"

"Can I be the one to finish it too? Like now?"

Will laughed and gazed into her eyes lovingly… "Dulcinea was Don Quixote's one true love and Quixote would say she was the most beautiful of all women..."

Will stopped as he saw Mac swallow hard and close her eyes trying to hold back tears again….

"Hey – you ok beautiful?"

Mac nodded refusing to let tears come into her eyes – she'd had that flash of it all being a dream again – that these words and this happiness surely wasn't meant for her...

"Talk to me Mac?" Will murmured... Gone was the goofy grin and gone was the joking comments – all that was left on his face was concern for Mackenzie...

"I'm just feeling so much right now Will – I love you so very much and sometimes I just get a little bit scared – just because this is all too good to be true"

Will nodded – he knew exactly what she was feeling because he couldn't get that feeling out of his head either...

"Listen darling – it's just because it's all moving so fast – that's all... That and we're tired – we didn't get much sleep last night for some reason!"

Mac knew what he was saying was true but it was just too dreamlike – like she was in someone else's life...

Will noticed she was shaking slightly and was desperate to hold her but of course there was prying eyes outside so instead he tried to calm her with words...

"Mac - I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know this much - I love you and I will always love you - whatever happens and wherever life takes us –we'll be together"

"You really mean that?" Mac whispered her eyes full of expectation...

"I swear we will. I want to be here with you for today, tonight, tomorrow and the rest of time – you hear me? There's no way this is going to fall apart – didn't I convince you of that last night?"

His voice was so low and so full of love that Mac felt silly for bringing it up again... She slowly nodded and reached out her hand to grab his...

Will glanced at the locket hanging around her neck and squeezed her hand tightly... "Mac – I once told you we'd be together forever – you remember?"

"Of course I remember" she said quietly...

Mac raised her hand to her necklace and gently ran her finger over the engraving on the back...

"Well – I meant it then and I mean it now... This - here and now - is where forever starts"...

"I like the sound of that" she whispered as Will pulled her close and hugged her for what must have been the hundredth time that day. Neither suddenly cared who was probably watching through the office window – this is what she needed – what they needed.

The past was finally gone and the future was looking very rosy indeed. Both had experienced loneliness, utter misery and broken heart's before but neither would experience it again – they were finally together and they would be forever.

"Together Forever". Mac murmured into his chest as she wrapped her arms tightly around him... She had to admit there couldn't be a more perfect phrase.

**THE END!**

* * *

**That's it - all finished (thank goodness) :) **

**Thanks very much for reading and all the lovely replies... **

**Katy**

**x**


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